Can everone Please Read these?

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FCHScheergirl | 08-04-2003 21:00

hey! I like to write and here are a couple of the things i have written. If you like these i will post more!

I'm not supposed to love you
I'm not supposed to care
I'm not suppoesed to live my life wishin you were there
We should have never become friends
We should have never told
We should have never let it get really really cold.
you werent supposed to tell me how you really felt
You werent supposed to stop callin me
You should have never let this be
Together we can make a change
but together we cant stop the pain

Tell me what i want to hear.
O please come draw near
Hear the reason that i fear.
I'm afraid u'll tell all
I'm afraid of when u call.
I'm a fraid ur not real
Like i get a pakage deal
I'm afraid to give my heart
afraid to only get back part.
One day i'll give it all away.
Untill then right here it'll stay.
One day i'll give it up for good.
Hoping that our love would
Stay for ever locked up tight.
Untill the day we both take flight.

I have a lot more that i would like responce too, but tell me what you think of these first. like i said. if you like them i'll post more

13 comments

xOmGiTzVaLx | 09-04-2003 01:48

This is Pretty Good, But Haven't I Heard the Beginning Before, Somewhere? When You Write, Remember Not To Take Credit For What Someone Else Has Written. Where It Says "I'm Not Supposed to Love You, I'm Not Supposed to Care, I'm Not Supposed to Live My Life, Wishing You Were There," It Is A Nice Poem, But Try And Be A Bit More Original In The Beginning. Great Job, and Keep Working Hard, and You'll Go Far!! Talk to Me Or Make A Post on One of My Boards if You Need Help Or Advice Or Whatnot. Again, Great! Have a Nice Day..

Crazy_Joe | 09-04-2003 01:58

Well, this does say "parody" so you can have lines from other poems/songs

thechiz7 | 09-04-2003 02:45

whoa omgitzval did that post take a long time to write?? i mean whoa w/ the capitalization!

paige | 09-04-2003 02:49

haha forreal! I think your poems are good. Post more!!*

xOmGiTzVaLx | 09-04-2003 04:29

Yeahh I Guess You're Right, I Didn't Realize It's A Parody.. I Think It's Pretty Good Though! Probably Better Than I Can Do, LOL, Even Though Writing Is Definitely My Passion, I Just Suck At Music And Poetry.. Oh And Yea It Kind Of Does Take Me A Long Time To Type Like This LOL, I Have No Clue Why I Do It.. At Least I'm Not "TyPiNg It LiKe ThIs So ItS hArD tO rEaD" LOL.. And That Is Actually Faster For Me! Like The Way I Am Typing Now, It's Taken Me More Than Three Minutes To Type A Few Measly Sentences. I Do Think I Over-Write And Babble On Way Too Much LOL )

FCHScheergirl | 09-04-2003 04:56

thanks alot
here are a few more, keep on with the replies!

Angry
I have no friends Dont say i donot everone is popularjust like you Its ok I know i'm a loser Just dont tell me to my face I'll give you a bruiser .Its fine with me My so called friends, yeah they suck but they dont care they live in "pretty land" Screw Emily She doesnt care She's a bitch dont worry bout her she can make it on her own I dont appriciate the way i'm treated so flower you !screw you all !if i were seven you'd be a vodoo dol lyou dont have to pretned to be my I can handle the truth you dont need to tolerate what you really cant stand its not good for either of us dont tell me you care I know you donti dont want your sympathy voteleave me the flower alonego away just go home! I dont want to hear from you thats it were done, yo I'm through!

What would u do if i asked u what the H***
What, did u expect me to just say "oh well"
I should not take this with a smile on my face,
i liked the way you made me feel, made my heart race.
But what the h*** happened, your no where to be found.
but everystep i take, your always around.
I just wnat to know, what i did uncorrect.
I would i like to know it and its effects.
I also want to know why u turned away
what made u leave, yet what made u stay?
ya better let me know or ill turn it to a bia.
oh wait, i was the one you chose to replace *****, never mind

I say nothing, you came near
I say nothing, you call me dear
I say nothing, we get closer
I say nothing, heads on a coaster
You say nothing, here we stand
You say nothing, holding my hand
You say nothing, what could this be
You say nothing, looking at me.
We say nothing, days left behind
We say nothing, go press rewind
We say nothing, time goes by
We say nothing, wiping tears from my eye

dalling_brtta | 12-04-2003 05:00

Hey, good job i liked the first one but sometimes i get mixed up in the beat are they fast tempo like raps or like soft flowing words?

Bretta

dalling_brtta | 12-04-2003 05:09

Hey i have one my best friend and cuzin had died about a year ago and since i sing, they asked me to sing at the wake i thought you guys would like it..

I miss you so much
Why'd you have to go?
You left in such a horrible way
The crash, the sound, the blow

Everyone's still crying
They're hoping it's not true
Looking at old photos
Remembering, those words
reminded us of you

They played our song out loud
Tears start flowing from my eyes
As I walk up to your casket
And I start to say goodbye

...sorry its only the first page i couldnt find the rest

ice_white_tiger | 13-04-2003 19:27

I gotta admit, thats some talent.
Have you got a band or something?
You'd b a good songwriter

xOmGiTzVaLx | 14-04-2003 01:28

Awww, that's so sad.. I'm so sorry about your cousin and your friend. I'm sure at the wake they were looking down on you, and were proud of you.. Great job on your song, Bretta, keep up the great work!

~Val

dalling_brtta | 17-04-2003 04:27

Hey aww thanks guys i dont ahve a band but my boyfriend does and they let me sing everyonce in a while but its more of a punk rock band and im more country girl!

Bretta

melanshalie | 16-05-2003 22:56

i've not only heard the beggining, i am pretty sure i've heard this whole thing beofre

xOmGiTzVaLx | 17-05-2003 02:07

I've only seen the beginning, but I guess as said before it is a parody. it can have parts from other songs, too.

guest

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