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boyfriend and weed...

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babaloo181
1
babaloo181 | 02:40
well i just found out that my boyfriend smokes weed...he also told me that he smokes cigarettes...he's been doing it for about a year...we've been going out for about 4 months btw....well i kinda told him that i can't see myself being with someone who smokes and does drugs...and he promised he'd get on the patch and stop smokin weed...but now i kinda feel like im trying too hard to change him...like he should be able to make his own decisions...plus we have totally different views on the whole situation cuz he thinks of it as being a trivial thing while to me...it's something that's a very big deal....am i doing the rite thing?
25 comments
dashboard5
1
dashboard5 | 02:46
yes-its better for him if he stops even if he doesnt realize it..shows you care
sweet_J_
0
sweet_J_ | 02:51
yup, I'm gonna have to agree with Dashboard on this one.
Yageo
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Yageo | 06:13
yeah you are, it's best for both of you
becky_g
1
becky_g | 06:24
id say get out of it now before you develop really strong feelings for him... thru personal experience.. people who have done weed for that long dont just stop. they may cut down for a bit.. but then they pick it back up. i think you definately did the right thing by telling him you couldnt see yourself with someone who does weed.. good choice.. its not fun.. unless maybe the two of you are stoners.. in which case i'd say your both idiots and need some sense knocked into you..
put simple .. i dont think he's worth your time while the weed is involved. im not so opposed to the cigarettes.. while they do hurt your body in the long run.. they dont change the person you are.. so im not so opposed to that.. but if he's gonna quit that then i say good for him... but i think the most important thing for him to quit is the weed...

well thats all.. i hope that made sense..
goodluck with it all

cheers
who_ate_santa
0
i don think you should care..........i know from experience that if anything weed makes you a socially better person....but just makes sure he doesnt smoke with you around coz you might want to try it and then he might get angry at you for being a hypocrit
who_ate_santa
0
and might i add i f***ing hate it when people have had it either beaten into them,or just grow up beleiving the tobacco(for lack of a better phrase)is better for you than weed, when in the long run it is alot more damaging and i know from experience ,as i said, that weed makes you if anything better of a person


~edited by moderator~
roquegaL
1
roquegaL | 12:55
1 of my fren is goin out with someone who do drugs and smoke too...totally opposite her so i will give u the same advice i gave her....u already tell him that u dont like him doin weed and smokin rite...so u have to give him time to quit...itz not easy to quit so juz support him from the back....u ar juz looking out for him at the same time...so dont worry bout it...if he cant accept your view then u shldnt be with him but i think hes trying to change for the better for you...so itz all good...he just need time so give him...trust him and support him...over time if he would change if he havent yet then u should ask yourself if u can be with this person or not ...if not leave him...for your gd and his...but 1st give him a chance...every1 needs it so does him...all da best
_ANARCHY_
0
_ANARCHY_ | 13:02
Weed isn't the worst thing he could be doing, if your friend liked him that much for who he was and not what he does, it wouldn't be that much of an issue.
SPLIFFMAN
1
SPLIFFMAN | 13:35
as someone who also smokes, and does weed, i really don't see what the big deal is. "DRUGS" is such a vague generalisation designed to scare people rather than educate people. Weed isn't good or you but neither is it so bad in moderation (and i only have it in moderation nowadays). It doesn't mean your some sort of junkie or a failure (I think i did well in my 1st Year Uni exams this year). Weed isnt very addictive either (its mainly the tobacco you put in with it).

What's more important is what actual effect would it have on your relationship. Possibly very, very little. I'd think it was harsh if a girlfriend told me to give weed and smoking up, especially if she knew far less about it than me. What i would find acceptable however, is if she asked me not to smoke around her when we are together. that's fair enough, it could be harmful to her and I like to think I'm considerate (unless she smokes, it isnt very nice getting off with someone who's just had a cigarette).
hurleysk8r05
0
hurleysk8r05 | 13:37
Okay it must be a midwest thing, because everyone here does weed.

So I can't see the big deal.
aflackoh6
0
aflackoh6 | 13:38
as long as he's not asking you to do it and hes not doing it around you, then just let it go. the worst thing that could happen is you having to kiss someone with weed breath.
SPLIFFMAN
1
SPLIFFMAN | 13:41
However, I would give up smoking if I was living with a girl, and she wanted me to. for starters it would be hard to smoke "just when she's not there" - cos she'd almost always be there. It would just take some time to cut it down to nothing. (i smoke 10 or less cigarettes a day now so nothing huge). Giving up in that situation is a serious commitment I'd make, but if you're 16 and just going out and live with your parents and stuff, then really I don't think he should have to give up (just compromise as I said previously).
babaloo181
1
babaloo181 | 16:24
wow...well after reading what everyone has said...im kinda more confused about what i should do than i was before hehe....see the thing is that a while back i told him that it was pretty much his decision whether or not he wanted to smoke as long as it wasn't in front of me or rite before we were about to hang out. but then like the next day he came and told me he was gonna quit...and he was clean for about 2 and a half months...but then two nites ago he told me that he had a cigarette...and i was so disappointed...cuz i mean i was just so elated when he told me he was gonna quit....and i just got so upset to find out that it all went down the freakin drain. just like a lot of u he keeps telling me that weed isn't bad for u if u do it in moderation..and he doesn't see what the big deal is. but i mean the fact that it's affecting me and making me upset...shouldn't that be enough for him to want to quit?
SPLIFFMAN
1
SPLIFFMAN | 23:02
well there are two ways of approaching that.

A) He should quit if it makes you feel so sad.


or

B) You should accept him for who he is and not demand he change to meet your expectations.*

*excepting the obvious compromise of him not smoking around you.

Personally i think B is the fairest solution. Your concern for him is touching and a positive thing, yet it is your problem, not his. He is obviously not stupid, and seems to know that like most things in life, moderation is what is key.
roquegaL
0
roquegaL | 03:34
yeah...but quiting totally is not easy as i tell you earlier...u can encourage him to cut down on taking that stuffs...little by little...then he can quit totally...if he is to abruptly stop...i tell u it wont work that way...coz' the stuff is addictive so ppl needed time to quit..he already told u that hes quiting so give him time unless u really cant stand it..if thats the case...u can juz split...but if u really love him that much that u can wait till he totally quits then itz good...juz tell him dont do it in front of you...then it would be fine..
1HECKofaguy
1
1HECKofaguy | 03:48
1. Itz gd that he is honest with you some guyz juz dont care...they will juz do behind your back and wont even care to tell.
2. He trying to quit...so all is good. He needs to cut down on the amt he takes...he cant stop it abruptly...if he did stop it suddenly, it wont work as what roque says...
3. Give him time girl...quiting is not easy...nvr was trust me coz' i used to do weed and stuff too...it takes a great deal of effort to quit...juz b patient k...
4. Support him..dont pressure him too much..let him quit in his own time..hmm...juz dont let him do it in front of you then it wont affect you that much...
5. Thats all...i think..all da best
babaloo181
1
babaloo181 | 00:06
ok i talked to him and i let him know that i dont like what it is that he is doing but that as long as he doesn't do it in front of me..it's really his decision. i told him that im supportive of him tryin to quit and that ill be there every step of the way whenever he needs me. thank u guys a lot...great insight. i appreciate ur advice
1HECKofaguy
0
1HECKofaguy | 01:38
cool...glad that im of help
DaRkSiDe
1
DaRkSiDe | 01:48
yeah, your doing the right thing, but hope he's not too addicted to both or it's going to come to almost impossible for him to quit either one...
safari
0
safari | 01:54
if you really like him, then stay with him. But don't try and change him..

he knows you don't like it, but don't try and force him to change.. or he'll get mad about it down the line and resent you.

He has to realize for himself that it'd be better for him to stop, adn if he really cares about you, he really will try.

But watch out... it starts out this way, adn then all of a sudden they start lying about their whereabouts and do it all the time when you're not around and you aren't stupid, you can put two and two together, but they don't realize that becuase they are too stoned.
vandy
0
vandy | 02:06
If an SO or possible SO has a quality that you KNOW you can't deal with, don't even go there in the first place. Either that or be ok with him/her even if she/he never changes.
Bucephalus
0
Bucephalus | 10:10
if anyone is dealing with a boyfriend who smokes.... it's simple... either dont be with him, or join him. Smoking with chicks is the ultimate cause everyones feelin good and just being silly.. the sex is great.. everyones just spaced out and relaxed and it's real chilled out. quit making weed seem like some kind of mysterious crazy drug. if you wanna relax and laugh a lot at stupid shit and have greater sex, then smoke with your dude. If you don't, leave him
Cyd
1
Cyd | 16:22
i smoke with my boyfriend sometimes. we used to a lot, but not as much anymore. it's actually really fun to smoke together as a couple, because you'll feel really chill and happy to be with him. you'll probably do a bunch of cutesy/corny shit together, too.
Bucephalus
0
Bucephalus | 17:01
ah shit so true. i remember layin around in bed for hours just sayin stupid corny shit and being retarded with my girl at the time. just a lot of fun and goofy times.
Execujetv12
1
Execujetv12 | 03:00
If you do not honestly like the idea of smoking, leave him. He won't stop smoking weed and cigarettes for you. Married couples have great difficulties getting over this bump in their relationships, trust me, it takes more than a simple 'ill stop doing it for you'. He is already lying to you.
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