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punk_in_canada
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punk_in_canada | 18-10-2002 20:16
hey guys...i wrote this poem the other night when i was in a very depressed mood and i'm just looking for some feedback..tell me what you think...

Untitled

Thoughts fill my head
I'd rather be dead
Than act in this play with no role

Cannot be seen
An invisible teen
Who blends in perfectly with the wall

All alone
No one to call my own
Its hard to live a lie

Perfect people surround me
Every he, every she
Their names are known around school

Tear after tear
Encased in fear
Minutes seem like hours

Looking through the window
I know I'll never be that rainbow
Just the rain that fills the cloud
10 comments
FireWaterBurn
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FireWaterBurn | 18-10-2002 20:24
thats pretty good...i like it...good job
Masterful_Ally
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Masterful_Ally | 18-10-2002 22:54
It's cool. Kinda depressing though! I used to write poetry I'm not sure when or why I stopped. Keep it up your good at it!

<marquee> Ally xxx
Super_B
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Super_B | 19-10-2002 02:43
wow, thats realy realy realy good. you've got a talent there if i may say so myself.
keep it up!
Super_B
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Super_B | 19-10-2002 02:45
hehehe those smilies are cool ( not reaLy but n e ways)
brownie
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brownie | 19-10-2002 03:28
hey, that was really good.
i write sum poetry aswell,i do it about other stuff, but here is a few lines i can remember from one of my poems.

you can't even fire a gun,
you "ah",and"um",
i'd grab it off you and say "TA!",
i'd shoot you 3 times in the head,
and then i'd work you body,
while you're lying on the floor screaming
"i'm sorry! i'm sorry!"
it's too late now!
your down and your out.

yeh, that's all i can remember,what do you's all think?
Hoffy167
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Hoffy167 | 25-10-2002 12:38
yeah, I write songs and poetry when I'm depressed or otherwise happy, hypo etc. but some of them turn into a sort of Weird Al Yankovich sort of a thing, I usually do them at school and they're good for a laugh. I wrote a few for the g/f too. That's a really good poem though, make sure you write some when you're in a good mood too! Keep smiling!
Love Hoffy
Ilovemarkmiser4
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Ilovemarkmiser4 | 26-10-2002 00:03
It's really good, a bit negative though. I love the unique outlook on life. Like the perfect ppl that surround you... amazing... brilliant. i love it. too bad i can't use it in my poetry assignment cuz i would love to!
Killah135
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Killah135 | 26-10-2002 09:29
hey that is really cool but depressing...........but isnt the best poetry always depressing?

i like it

babylamb87
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babylamb87 | 26-10-2002 17:35
Hey I had to write a poem for English class where yu have to take a good thing and make it into bad thing. I've only wrote some of it. I havn't finished it.
It's called Love's Hell. I turned love into a bad thing.
Ilovemarkmiser4
0
Ilovemarkmiser4 | 26-10-2002 18:45
Babylamb? Will you please show us when you're done???
<marquee> *Babe*
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