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aLiE1711
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aLiE1711 | 18:18
im bored... so im curious what was the BIGGEST mistake u ever made?
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aLiE1711
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aLiE1711 | 23:23
but im pumped i luv the 4th of july
Olivia_Ka
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Olivia_Ka | 06:22
I must open up the wounds of my past love life. My biggest mistake of youth.

In February 2004, while still in my post-breakup depression, I got back with an ex-boyfriend and did not skip high school for him. After it ended, I dedicated myself to him, though it was our common choice not to live under the same roof, so I visited him regularly, and lost my virginity (don't remember the date exactly, I think it happened in late November 2004). I did not tell anything to my parents, because I wanted to keep my love life secret.

Things got worse after we celebrated our first year back together. In late March/early April 2005, I realised my period was a little late, and had nausea too. I felt too young to keep a child at 19 and half. So my mum encouraged me to have medical appointments in early April (I was accompanied to some by her, not by him). I had a few ones, but refused to have blood tests right away, the pregnancy one got a negative result and the scan was somewhat failed because I lost blood afterwards. So this failure had a massive impact on me, yet I kept on believing that it wasn't my period but our little one that did not grow and caused internal bleeding (I told this to my man, not to my parents). I even imagined a funeral for our unborn child though I knew no heartbeat was heard.
Unfortunately, behind my back, my parents had to phone another specialist for a mid-May appointment, that made me very angry because I've had a long fear blood tests (my man also knew I was suffering). So I went there and came back home crying and angry, because I had a long series of blood tests to do and I wasn't ready yet, since I had a written exam in mid-June.
After I finished the written exam on the second day of the session, a few minutes to midday, I sat at the toilet, losing blood and saw what could either be a bit of skin (not the usual bit of endometer I've been used to see, but a longer one that was not bloodstained) or our little one whose heart stopped beating early. I decided not to keep it, both my man and I agreed that was not an abortion, but a miscarriage since it lasted less than 3 months - IMHO I don't think I had a post-miscarriage depression after the June incident. I failed the exam afterwards. My period went back, but more or less regularly after that.
I had no medical appointment between May and September. After the summer holiday, I did get the aforementioned series of blood tests, and a scan the following day - they showed no particular sign. So I agreed to take the pill in October 2005 since I had irregular cycles.

So my biggest mistake of youth was : believing I had a miscarriage instead of being patient for my period to come. But the difference between what I told my parents and what I told my then-boyfriend remained and when it comes to talking about that, I still feel ashamed about not separating truth from lie. Ashamed too of the relationship I had with him, including doing things I didn't want him to (while I was away, he used to drink to forget, but I realised it a few years later), and his unfaithfulness later.

And I've read this morning that, in case of late period, a medical appointment must be taken only if a period if more than 3 months late, and only if those do not include unprotected sex. (I will actually keep the latter part private.)
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