Jokes - Have A Good Joke? Share It Here!

›Forum›bladeren›Humor›Jokes - Have A Good Joke? Share It Here!

Volgen 10

Topic toevoegen

Zoeken

Elfwid | 20-06-2004 19:23

If you have a good joke, write it here!

i'll start with...

Did you hear my hamster died, he fell asleep at the wheel.
(anyone can do better than that)

«1 2 3...122 123 124

3,076 tot 3,095 van 3,095 reacties

pagina 124 van 124

saina | 16-04-2016 11:47

"Hi, ALL!
With the grace and blessings of God almighty & the good wishes of my family and friends, I have bought myself a BMW 750 today. BMW- Bisleri Mineral Water, 750 ml. I was very thirsty."

Captain_Keeta | 16-04-2016 19:23

Q: How many lawyers does it take to plaster a wall?

A: It depends how hard you throw them.

saina | 29-04-2016 15:36

A doctor wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant.

"Seamus, I am going hunting tomorrow. I don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of my patients."

"Yes, sir!" – answers Seamus.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: "So, Seamus, how was your day?"

Seamus told him that he took care of three patients.

"The first one had a headache so I gave him Tylenol."

"Bravo, and the second one?" – asks the doctor.

"The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Malox, sir." – says Seamus.

"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" – asks the doctor.

"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opened and a woman entered. Like a flame, she undressed herself, taking off everything including her bra, her panties and lied down on the table. She spread her legs and shouted: "HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!"

"Thunderin' Lard Jayzus, Seamus, what did ye do?" – asks the doctor.

"I put drops in her eyes." !!!!!

Captain_Keeta | 29-04-2016 15:40

Q: Why couldn't Texas A&M put on a nativity scene?

A: Because they couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.

saina | 06-05-2016 17:22

Daughter: I have fallen with our neighbour, Jack and I am running away with him.

Father: Good, that way I will save both money and time.

Daughter: Dad! I was reading the note Mum left behind.

Captain_Keeta | 06-05-2016 17:26

Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Dallas Cowboys.

saina | 13-07-2016 11:37

Interviewer : Do you participate in any kind of dangerous activities?

Me : Yes, Sometimes I disagree with my wife.

Captain_Keeta | 13-07-2016 14:57

Q: How many Dallas Cowboys does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

saina | 26-07-2016 14:46

There was a 50 year old lady, who started learning to swim instead of her usual routine of going to temple.

Everyone was curious and asked her: Why the change of interest to swimming now?

The lady, with a look of haplessness replied: Whenever my son and daughter-in-law quarrells, she asks him always: If your mom and I were to fall into the water, who would you save first?
And because I do not want to put my son in a difficult position, I am learning to swim myself.

After many weeks later, her son and daughter-in-law were quarrelling again, and she asked the same question: Now tell me! If your mom and I fall into the water, who would you save first?

The son replied: I don't have to get down into the water, my mom can swim, she will save you.

But the daughter-in-law was refused to relent: No, you have to get into the water. No matter what.

Then he replied: Then you will surely die because I can't swim and my mom will definitely save me first.

saina | 02-09-2016 19:53

A man lost his wife in a tsunami. One night drunk as skunk, he went to the seashore and stood there for a while. He kept watching the waves touch his feets.
Suddenly, he shouted at the sea: "No matter how many times you touch my feet, how many times you beg, I'll never take her back. It's your mistake. Deal with it now."

saina | 07-09-2016 18:12

A man meets his friend who has started wearing earrings.

He asks, "Since when did you start wearing earrings?"

Friend: "Ever since my wife found them in my car!"

Captain_Keeta | 07-09-2016 23:00

lol.

saina | 15-09-2016 13:31

An Indian lady visited a bar for the first time. She sat on the table in front of the bartender.

A guy on her left side ordered: "Jack Daniels, single"

A guy on her right side ordered: "Johnny Walker, single"

The bartender looked at the lady & said: And you?

Lady replied: "Savitri Sharma, married."

saina | 04-10-2016 19:53

Astrologer: Do you want to know about your husband's future?

Wife: Rubbish, I will decide his future ! You just tell me about his past.

saina | 20-02-2017 14:03

Teacher: Complete the sentence.
"Early to bed and early to rise..."

Student: ".... This Man has neither WiFi nor a Wife."
___________________________
A couple was being interviewed on their Golden Wedding Anniversary.

"In all that time -- did you ever consider divorce?" they were asked.

"Oh, no, not divorce," the wife said. "Murder sometimes, but never divorce!"

Zerodaj | 21-02-2017 04:15

Ha. That's a good one. Corny pun joke time!

What do you call it when a cat from the military goes on a monetary leave of absence?

A furlough.
________

What did the male sheep say to the female sheep?

I wish to wool ewe. (Woo you)
________

I just picked up a book on anti-gravity I can't seem to put it down.

Jman3266 | 03-05-2018 05:30

Windowlicker
beefskewr
fat elephant
rosa paarks

Olivia_Ka | 09-07-2020 20:36

[Sanctuary for semi-aquatic mammals, Tel Aviv]

*phone rings*

Receptionist: Hello, Israeli Otter Home?

Ray Liotta: Yes, I'm calling from home. How did you know it was me?

Olivia_Ka | 16-04-2021 12:16

A lion, a witch and a wardrobe walked into a pub

The witch asked for 3 beers..

The landlord replied , "No chance! .. I'm serving Narnia!"

Olivia_Ka | 23-04-2021 20:09

Breaking: thieves have stolen all the wheels off the local constabulary's panda cars..

A spokesperson for the force said that they are working tirelessly to find the culprits.

gast

POP OUT OPSLAAN

$form.$set(f,{a:'ajax_comment_manage',pop:'in',content_type:'forumtopic',parent_id:'58733',follow:0},{noaskonclose:1});

//--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
//  On save
//--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

$events.$addFunction('click',1545420973,true,function(){
      //--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
      //  Find form element
      //--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
          var f=arguments[0].$t.closest('form');
      //--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
      //  Callback
      //--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
          var $callback = function(f,$c,$json) {
            if ($json.hasOwnProperty('mode') && $json.mode == 'popin') { // Error occured - popin version
              f.parent().html($json.body);
            }
            else {
              var $formrow = $('#id_1545492900').closest('div[data-form]'); // Find the wrapper of the form (div that holds the form)
              //------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
              //  Remove lightbox for popout or reset popin form
              //------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                 if ($json.pop == 'out') {
                   lightbox_remove();
                 }
                 else {
                   $formrow.find('[data-b]').find('span').show().last().hide();
                   f.find('textarea[name=comment]').prop('disabled',false).val('');
                   f.find('input[name=vote]').val('');
                   f.find('.errors').remove(); // remove error box if present
                 }
              //------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
              //  Insert on bottom
              //------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                  if ($json.content_type == 'forumtopic')
                    $('html, body') // html and body both needed for cross browser compatibility
                      .animate({ scrollTop:$formrow.last().offset().top - 200 }, 500)
                      .promise() // the promise-done deals with preventing a double call for browser that support both html and body
                      .done(function(){ 
                        $formrow.last().before($json.comment).prev().rowslide({effect:'open'});
                      });
              //------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
              //  Insert on top
              //------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                  else $formrow.first().after($json.comment).next().rowslide({effect:'open'});
              }

return;
          };
      //--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
      //  Parse request
      //--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
          $http.$req({m:'POST',d:1,q:f.serialize(),b:$.proxy($callback,null,f)});
      //--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
      //  "After-click" styling
      //--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
          if (f.find('input[name=pop]').val() == 'in') {
            arguments[0].$t.parent().children().hide().last().show();
            f.find('textarea[name=comment]').prop('disabled',true); // do after $http.$req because serialize ignores disabled fields
          }
          else {
            lightbox_remove({keepdim:1});
            lightbox_prepare({});
          }

});
//--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
//  Detach function (pop-out button and poll vote button) - prepare for "detach" submit
//--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    $events.$addFunction('click',1519156756,true,function(){
      var f = arguments[0].$t.closest('form');
      f.find('input[name=reload]').val(1);
      f.find('input[name=pop]').val('out');
      //if (arguments[0].$t.is('[data-vote]')) f.find('input[name=vote]').val(arguments[0].$t.attr('data-vote'));
      f.find('.errors').remove();
    });
    $events.$addFunction('click',1545858987,true,function(){ // Poll-vote button
      var f = $('#id_1545492900');
      f.find('input[name=vote]').val(arguments[0].$t.attr('data-vote'));
      $('#id_1545858923').trigger('click');
    });
//--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
//  Reset popin form
//--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    $events.$addFunction('click',1545413833,true,function(){
      var f = arguments[0].$t.closest('form');
      f.find('input[name=reload]').val(0);
      f.find('input[name=pop]').val('in');
      f.find('input[name=vote]').val('');
      f.find('textarea[name=comment]').val('');
    });

«1 2 3...122 123 124

Lees verder: