Poetry | Short Story: Crimson River

Page tools: add reply; start topic; rss; hall of fame; who's online

Short Story: Crimson River

read 21 reaction(s)

@ 29-08-2004 12:39 nanki_c
14,475 posts	Please read this... its for school. i want some feedback before i give it in. its not that long. please read it and tell me what you think. ................................................................. Crimson River I feel like I’m seeing myself through the eyes of a stranger – seeing a fat, ugly worthless thing covered in blood-red scars. My long black spilling down all over me, my bright green eyes – look like someone else’s. I don’t feel like me. Who am I? My blood shot eyes sting and start to water, a sob rises in my throat as I force down a wail. I can't control these feelings inside me – this pain, this torture… I can't take it anymore. * It’s Monday. School again. Ugh. I hate school – having to endure all my “friends” snide remarks about how I need to lose what and Chris’s harsh and slow torture. Wish I had the guts to stand up to him… but I don’t. I can't do anything. I’m such a loser. I take a deep breath and walk into class. A familiar voice reaches my ears, “Emma”. It’s Chris. Oh no. I can't handle this right now. I turn around and face him. “Y’know you really should lose some weight, you’re disgusting blob of a body is starting to make me sick.” He and his devotees laugh. I feel tears pricking the inside of my eyelids. My vision is blurry, I can't see… I stumble and hear cruel laughter behind me. I wish I was dead. * My scars are crimson. I get up. Walk to the shower. Turn on the water to warm my frozen skin. My scars sting in the heat. I don’t even flinch. I’m past feeling. I’m just numb. They start to bleed again. Blood-stained wounds on my pale skin. I walk slowly, as if in a dream. I feel like I’ve floated out of my body and I’m watching myself from above. Dead and alive at the same time. Senseless. I reach under my bed… and pull out my blade. The touch of the cold steel makes me shiver. I run my hands over the tip and see the beautiful blood trickling down my hands… I would have been concerned that someone would see the cut but it doesn’t matter anymore. * I walk over to my locker and grab my books. My hands can't take the strain. They’re weak after last night’s affliction. They scatter all over the floor. I bend down to pick them up and hear a sound I’d rather avoid. “Hey Emma”, Chris. I turn. A number of bright blue things were flying straight at me. I try to duck but they caught me straight in the face. Water Balloons. “OW,” I yell out in pain. My face was hurting like hell and my glasses fall off. I bend down to pick them up. Chris and his cronies pass me by and push me so I fall down. I bang my arm on my locker and my face contorts with the injustice of it all. Why?? Why me?? Why do I have to endure this miserable existence… which people call a life? Well, that’s just it. I don’t have a life. * I crawl over to my bathroom wall; fresh cuts on my legs begin to burn. I lean against the cool surface of the wall and begin to write on it… using only my hand… Dear Mum n Dad… The letters were all jagged and broken… * Something hot is dripping down my arm, under my arm warmer. I look around nervously. What a surprise, no one even noticed that I’m lying on the floor in this excruciating agony. The sting of a re opened wound reaches me… my arm warmer is soaked… I get up slowly and pick up my books. My arm feels like its going to just fall off my body. I walked shakily to the bathroom and into a cubicle. I heard some of my “so-called” friends walk on. Oh god. This is the last thing I need right now. I heard one of them laugh and say, “Did u see what happened to Emma?” “Yea, man, that’s so funny”. “Yea, why won’t she ever stand up for herself, she’s so damn lame”. This is not what I need right now, a sob began to rise in my throat. I choked it down. “Did you hear something?” “Naa” “c’mon! Let’s go.” They walked out and tears began to pour down my cheeks… raw emotions were taking me over… I slowly tried to ebb the flow and wiped my tearstained face. Thank god it was the end of the day… not that I believe in god. I mean if he existed why would he put me through all this crap? * “This isn’t coz I don’t luv u. too much is going on I can't take it anymore. Mum I love u. I just can't handle life the way it is My life is crap school is awful… sorry to leave u like this but I can't handle this responsibility anymore its too hard… I looked down at the crimson river running down the walls and the pain that stabbed through my raw skin. I cut a little deeper. ‘Dad I loved u but u forgot me u thought I wasn’t good enuf well now u’l c what I’m capable of. Mum, dad, I love u. don’t forget that. Its not ur fault. Emma * A week later… School again. It’s breaktime. Where am I? Hiding in the bathroom. Ha! No one even notices when I’m not there… and when I am… I’m just ridiculed. The bell. Oh… time for class. I walk over to the rack where I left my bag. Huh? Its soaking wet and all inky and it stinks. A weird smell. My stomach is churning. Its smells like… oh my god… it smells like the bloody toilet. Someone pissed in my bag. My face crumples. I’m going to cry… angry, hot tears are burning my eyes. Someone’s laughing at me. What do I do?? My work… all my hard work… its gone. I can't take this. I walk into registration. Everyone starts. “Emma?” “What’s wrong?” “Why are you crying?” I held up my bag in answer. “oh my god!” “what happened?” “I-I w-was in the b-bathroom a-and I came out a-and f-found my b-bag like th-this”, I stuttered. “oh man.” Phew… the bell registrations over… time to go home. I reach home and collapse on my bed, and sob my heart out. Why does everything happen to me?? WHY??? What did I do to deserve this??? WHY?? I feel like screaming… I want to kill Chris. I know he did it. I can't bear this. My chest is heaving. I stop crying, and wash my sodden face. I come out of my room to hear my mum crying. What?? I don’t understand this. Mum? Crying? What?? I walk over to her gently. “Mum, what’s wrong? Why u crying?” I said. She looked over at me and choked out, “your dads left.” “WHAT?” I almost shouted. “He’s gone” She yelled out. “GONE, he won’t come back.” “Oh my god, mum, what happened?” “I d-don’t know… he j-just said he c-couldn’t handle it a-anymore a-and he was l- leaving… I-I don’t know w-where he is. I-I d-don’t think he’s g-gonna come back.” She stuttered it out. I almost burst into tears right there… I ran out of the room and into my own. * I picked up the blade once more… and poised it over my vein like a snake ready to strike. I brought it down as hard as it could… my blood spilled out… beautiful blood… my eternal release. Ahh the room is spinning now. I can't see. Everything’s going hazy…a sharp pain is going through me… I can't breathe… everything going dark… what’s happening to me?? Everything’s getting darker… and darker… * I collapsed onto my bed… I can't bear this… dad’s gone… mums sick… I’ll have to take care of her… what’ll happen the next time she has an attack? How am I going to handle it? Ok… have to go make dinner… I’ll start with the veggies… peel, chop, peel, chop… boring rhythm… this is taking forever… OW I missed the veggies… my thumb… I cut it a little… I’m fascinated by the blood… it makes me feel better… my internal pain is being replaced by an external one… This feels good. Two weeks later: I can't stop… this feels so much better. My agony is lessoned… my problems leave with the crimson river… * CosmoGirl Magazine: 14 year old girl kills herself... Parents are heartbroken Yesterday night, a 14 year old girl, Emma Watson attempted suicide. Unfortunately, her attempt was successful. Her parents are completely heartbroken. If you have any suicidal feelings, please don’t hesitate to ask for help. Call childline or visit ruinyoulife.com. Please don’t keep this inside you.

Showing posts 1-21 of 21

Page 1 of 1

Discussion
0 @ 29-08-2004 12:40 nanki_c
14,475 posts	The formatting is all wrong here.. sorry.. but the little ***'s indicate like a new section... i didn't have time to format it all properly here.. please read it!
0 @ 29-08-2004 13:57 Cyd
11,134 posts	Emma Watson?
0 @ 29-08-2004 15:11 nanki_c
14,475 posts	i dunno lol the name just popped into my head
0 @ 29-08-2004 15:14 nanki_c
14,475 posts	can someone please give me a comment? or critisize it? or something... i just want to know if it all makes sense..
0 @ 29-08-2004 16:40 nanki_c
14,475 posts	please! someone?? anyone?
0 @ 29-08-2004 16:54 aflackoh6
28,546 posts	That was fking amazing.
0 @ 30-08-2004 05:36 nanki_c
14,475 posts	thanx
0 @ 30-08-2004 13:28 nanki_c
14,475 posts	yeesh i just proof read it.. there are millions of mistakes so i'm posting it again with the proper formatting: ................................................................. A Crimson River I feel like I’m seeing myself through the eyes of a stranger – seeing a fat, ugly worthless thing covered in blood-red scars. My long black hair is spilling down all over me, my bright green eyes – look like someone else’s. I don’t feel like me. Who am I? My blood shot eyes sting and start to water, a sob rises in my throat as I force down a wail. I can't control these feelings inside me – this pain, this torture… I can't take it anymore. * It’s Monday. School again. Ugh. I hate school – having to endure all my “friends” snide remarks about how I need to lose weight and Chris’s harsh and slow torture. Wish I had the guts to stand up to him… but I don’t. I can't do anything. I’m such a loser. I take a deep breath and walk into class. A familiar voice reaches my ears, “Emma”. It’s Chris. Oh no. I can't handle this right now. I turn around and face him. “Y’know you really should lose some weight, your disgusting blob of a body is starting to make me sick.” He and his pathetic devotees laugh. I feel tears pricking the inside of my eyelids. My vision is blurry, I can't see… I stumble and hear cruel laughter behind me. I wish I was dead. * My scars are crimson. I get up. Walk to the shower. Turn on the water to warm my frozen skin. My scars sting in the heat. I don’t even flinch. I’m past feeling. I’m just numb. They start to bleed again. Blood-stained wounds on my pale skin. I walk slowly, as if in a dream. I feel like I’ve floated out of my body and I’m watching myself from above. Dead and alive all at once. Senseless. I reach under my bed… and pull out my blade. The touch of the cold steel makes me shiver. I run my hands over the tip and see the beautiful blood trickling down my hands… I would have been concerned that someone would see the cut but it doesn’t matter anymore. * I walk over to my locker and grab my books. My hands can't take the strain. They’re weak after last night’s affliction. They scatter all over the floor. I bend down to pick them up and hear a sound I’d rather avoid. “Hey Emma”, says Chris. I turn. A number of bright multi coloured things are flying straight at me. I try to duck but they caught me straight in the face. Water Balloons. “OW,” I yell out in pain. My face was hurting like hell and my glasses fall off. I bend down to pick them up. Chris and his cronies pass me by and push me so I fall down. I bang my arm on my locker and my face contorts with the injustice of it all. Why?? Why me?? Why do I have to endure this miserable existence… which people call a life? Well, that’s just it. I don’t have a life. * I crawl over to my bathroom wall; fresh cuts on my legs begin to burn. I lean against the cool surface of the wall and begin to write on it… using only my hand… Dear Mum n Dad…The letters were all jagged and broken… *** Something hot is dripping down my arm, under my arm warmer. I look around nervously. What a surprise, no one even noticed that I’m lying on the floor in this excruciating agony. The sting of a re opened wound reaches me… my arm warmer is soaked… I get up slowly and pick up my books. My arm feels like its going to just fall off my body. I walked shakily to the bathroom and into a cubicle. I heard some of my “so-called” friends walk on. Oh god. This is the last thing I need right now. I heard one of them laugh and say, “Did u see what happened to Emma?” “Yea, man, that’s so funny”. “Yea, why won’t she ever stand up for herself, she’s so damn lame”. This is not what I need right now, a sob began to rise in my throat. I choked it down.“Did you hear something?” “Naa” “c’mon! Let’s go.” They walked out and tears began to pour down my cheeks… raw emotions were taking me over… I slowly tried to ebb the flow and wiped my tearstained face. Thank god it was the end of the day… not that I believe in god. I mean if he existed why would he put me through all this crap? * “This isn’t coz I don’t luv u. too much is going on I can't take it anymore. Mum I love u. I just can't handle life the way it is My life is crap school is awful… sorry to leave u like this but I can't handle this responsibility anymore its too hard…I looked down at the crimson river running down the walls and the pain that stabbed through my raw skin. I cut a little deeper. ‘Dad I loved u but u forgot me u thought I wasn’t good enuf well now u’l c what I’m capable of. Mum, dad, I love u. don’t forget that. Its not ur fault. Emma * A week later… School again. It’s breaktime. Where am I? Hiding in the bathroom. Ha! No one even notices when I’m not there… and when I am… I’m just ridiculed. The bell. Oh… time for class. I walk over to the rack where I left my bag. Huh? Its soaking wet and all inky and it stinks. A weird smell. My stomach is churning. Its smells like… oh my god… it smells like the bloody toilet. Someone pissed in my bag. My face crumples. I’m going to cry… angry, hot tears are burning my eyes. Someone’s laughing at me. What do I do?? My work… all my hard work… its gone. I can't take this. I walk into registration. Everyone starts. “Emma?” “What’s wrong?” “Why are you crying?” I held up my bag in answer. “Oh my god!” “What happened?” “I-I w-was in the b-bathroom a-and I came out a-and f-found my b-bag like th-this”, I stuttered. “Oh man.” Phew… the bell registrations over… time to go home. I reach home and collapse on my bed, and sob my heart out. Why does everything happen to me?? WHY??? What did I do to deserve this??? WHY?? I feel like screaming… I want to kill Chris. I know he did it. I can't bear this. My chest is heaving. I stop crying, and wash my sodden face. I come out of my room to hear my mum crying. What?? I don’t understand this. Mum? Crying? What?? I walk over to her gently. “Mum, what’s wrong? Why u crying?” I said. She looked over at me and choked out, “your dads left.” “WHAT?” I almost shouted. “He’s gone” She yelled out. “GONE, he won’t come back.” “Oh my god, mum, what happened?” “I d-don’t know… he j-just said he c-couldn’t handle it a-anymore a-and he was l- leaving… I-I don’t know w-where he is. I-I d-don’t think he’s g-gonna come back.” She stuttered it out. I almost burst into tears right there… I ran out of the room and into my own. * I picked up the blade once more… and poised it over my vein like a snake ready to strike. I brought it down as hard as it could… my blood spilled out… beautiful blood… my eternal release. Ahh the room is spinning now. I can't see. Everything’s going hazy…a sharp pain is going through me… I can't breathe… everything going dark… what’s happening to me?? Everything’s getting darker… and darker… * I collapsed onto my bed… I can't bear this… dad’s gone… mums sick… I’ll have to take care of her… what’ll happen the next time she has an attack? How am I going to handle it? Ok… have to go make dinner… I’ll start with the veggies… peel, chop, peel, chop… boring rhythm… this is taking forever… OW I missed the veggies… my thumb… I cut it a little… I’m fascinated by the blood… it makes me feel better… my internal pain is being replaced by an external one… This feels good. Two weeks later: I can't stop… this feels so much better. My agony is lessoned… my problems leave with the crimson river… *** CosmoGirl Magazine: 15 year old girl kills herself... Parents are heartbroken Yesterday night, a 15 year old girl, Emma Blanchard attempted suicide. Unfortunately, her attempt was successful. Her parents are heartbroken. We think that she was pressurised into this because of problems in school. If you have any suicidal feelings, or know anyone who might be attempting this, please don’t hesitate to ask for help. Call childline or visit ruinyoulife.com. Please don’t keep this inside you.
0 @ 30-08-2004 13:38 purple_hippo
17,342 posts	wow.. Nanki that was excellent, really moving. I don't know if it was based on personal experience, but if you ever do need to talk about anything then i'm just a message away Seriously though, that really moved me.
0 @ 30-08-2004 13:42 nanki_c
14,475 posts	ty haz
0 @ 30-08-2004 14:52 nanki_c
14,475 posts	any other comments? i want to know if i can improve it in any way or writing tips or anything..?
0 @ 31-08-2004 10:13 deftonedgirl
339 posts	no no! there's nothing wrong with it!! It's wonderful-that has to be one of the best short stories I've read in a long time well done
0 @ 31-08-2004 10:19 nanki_c
14,475 posts	thank you
0 @ 31-08-2004 15:50 nanki_c
14,475 posts	* offtopic : bump
0 @ 01-09-2004 11:42 nanki_c
14,475 posts	i got an 'A-' yay dances.. usually the highest grade anyone gets in english is a 'C' so im happy !
0 @ 01-09-2004 12:15 the_artist
406 posts	wow that is so good. great write and you wrote about that topic so well. It was full of emotion and so upsetting really. I dunno but that made me cry. great, great write. your talented xxx
0 @ 01-09-2004 14:35 nanki_c
14,475 posts	you cried? woah thats the biggest compliment i could get (in a weird, twisted sortof way) thankyou for taking the time to read it lol.. thanku
0 @ 11-09-2004 15:01 TheA15
1,340 posts	Hi Nanki. Nice writing you got there. I have seen a few points that could be improved, but overall I think this is a dandy work! Keep writing and keep improving yourself, Nanki. You have potential. At least, I see potential Btw... I really liked the title! (Sorry I can't be more specific, but i'm out of focus and i'm tired, lol) Cheers
0 @ 11-09-2004 15:04 nanki_c
14,475 posts	Thankyou arod
0 @ 14-03-2005 17:30 x_StRaWbErReEz_
4,089 posts	Nanki that is soo good honey,i've never read anything like that,that compares to what i can imagine a lot of teenagers feelings,very sad but very well put,well done nanki
0 @ 20-04-2005 15:48 ghostie93
73 posts	wow? uh... i dnt no wat to say its just like made me totally speechless. wow! u go! luv yas pip xx (ghostie)

BROWSE:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Other

TOP ARTISTS:
Rihanna, Taylor Swift, Coldplay, Jason Mraz, Jonas Brothers, Britney Spears, Lil Wayne, Katy Perry, Miley Cyrus, Leona Lewis, Avril Lavigne, Pussycat Dolls, The, Pink, T.I., Ne-Yo, Akon, Paramore, Demi Lovato, Christina Aguilera, Secondhand Serenade, Chris Brown, Kanye West, Nickelback, Linkin Park, Jordin Sparks, Metallica, Lady Gaga, Lifehouse, Eminem, Mariah Carey, Kings Of Leon, Slipknot, Oasis, Celine Dion, Jack's Mannequin, Evanescence, Kelly Clarkson, M.I.A., Avenged Sevenfold, Carrie Underwood, Simple Plan, Abba, Beatles, The, Camp Rock, Fall Out Boy, Colbie Caillat, Håkan Hellström, Alicia Keys, Danity Kane, Lars Winnerbäck

Forum / Poetry / Short Story: Crimson River

Short Story: Crimson River