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nanki_c
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nanki_c | 08-07-2004 17:38
from the moment i met u,
i knew we wer ment 2 b
i kno u felt it too
we're da same in evry way

u were there 4 me
thru evrything, evry sting, evry bite
i kno u'll see
me thru evry fite

ill go beyond limits 4 u
i kno u'll do the same 4 me
ur neva far 4rm my mind
ill care 4 u endlessly

i rote these lines
coz ur soul matches mine.
....................................................................
every word u say is a little jolt to my heart,
every thought in my head shouts out your name,
my heart breaks while we're apart,
every breath in ur lungs is a tiny little gift to me.

My mind races when i hear ur voice,
ur an endless picture in my mind,
my heart faces an endless battle to tell you how much i love u,
we're two of a kind.

Just saying 1 word to u brightens my day,
seeing your face shines a light through my eyes,
this is all i wanted to say,
I dont want to hide behind lies..
......................................................................

i luv u
u say u do too
but all that is - is a lie,
sumtn fake,
u dont mean a single word u say,
m just a face in d background..
calling out ur name
but u don hear me..

i luv u
u sed u did too
how did those words go to waste?

.......................................................

all alone
on my own again
in a wasteland of nothingness.. a barren land
my life..

boredom, emptiness, lonliness.. sad n alone
lost the ppl who cared for me
lost the ppl who i care for..

all alone
in this battlezone..
called home

all alone,
on my own again..
in my bubble of self loathing and hate

no one knos me
no one cares
no one knos the person inside the ugly exterior
beauty is only skin deep
why dont u look alittle further?

all alone..

........................................................

i loved u
n i stil do
but m wounded..

stick a knife in me..
break all my bones
crack my skull, crush my lings
nothing will hurt me more..
than this pain

i'm bleeding inside
m dying
ur killing me
m dying.

.........................................................
51 to 75 of 302 comments
page 3 of 13
mmmeee0
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mmmeee0 | 27-08-2004 13:56
its a forum!
hes writing something long and is trying to save time!

i knew what he meant!


i just dont like poems....
nanki_c
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nanki_c | 27-08-2004 15:57
^ ok.. seriously.. i did not understand a word of that!
mmmeee0
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mmmeee0 | 27-08-2004 15:59
It's a forum.
He is writing a long message, so he is allowed to use short cuts like 'u' and 'r'.

i dont like poems myself, but this was good!
nanki_c
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nanki_c | 27-08-2004 16:01
ok firstly i wrote all the poems and i am a GIRL as in SHE!
and secondly if u go further down the page.. you'll find all the poems written in proper english and some more
but thanks..you liked em
nanki_c
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nanki_c | 28-08-2004 10:43
can someone else comment..? or give me writing advice or comments or tell me if its total crap..?
nanki_c
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nanki_c | 28-08-2004 14:25
i just wrote a new one.. been writing alot for the last few days.. anyway read this please.. and comment..
...................................................................
tears
rushing to my eyes
pouring down
in my shower of pain

i cry
i fall
i hurt
i lie resigned to my fate

waiting for the next problem
trying to escape this endless torment
i cry
tears trickling down my cheeks
an unavoidable downpour of pain

so i pick up the blade
and i feel the cold metal
crimson tears ooze out of my skin
a new torrent of pain
a new problem
a new addiction
a new solution..

i look back now
at my eternal pain
and i feel just the same
but im stronger
my scars, my battles
remain everlasting
a constant reminder
of what i am
who i am
and who i always will be
hated, despised, pitied

a lonely life,
a glint of hope lies in the future
but for now,
my miserable existence
is all i have for me..
DannyB
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DannyB | 28-08-2004 14:27
very good nanki!
slim_gary
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slim_gary | 28-08-2004 14:35
lovely poem nankster.... a lot of emotion put into it....

i write poems.. but they are not very gd at all
nanki_c
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nanki_c | 28-08-2004 14:54
*wonders if there are any more comments*
nanki_c
0
nanki_c | 28-08-2004 16:40
no one ever posts in my threads unless i specialy ask em too
Wous
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Wous | 28-08-2004 16:49
Hey nan!

I liked it..there are bits you could improve, and there are (certainly!!) bits you don't dare to touch, because if you do, I'll come and visit you!!!! And you don't wanna know what that means

Keep going nan!
nanki_c
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nanki_c | 28-08-2004 16:53
waht??!
explain! i didnt understand anything you just said
and please call me nanki!
Wous
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Wous | 28-08-2004 17:05
ok nanki (I do prefer nan )

There goes:

You write about cutting, self-pity, having serious problems and feeling worthless.
I have to say, that isn't a really original subject, so if you feel like writing about it, and not being cliche, try to play with words and start using (more) metaphores and sayings.

tears
rushing to my eyes
pouring down
in my shower of pain

waiting for the next problem
trying to escape this endless torment

i look back now
at my eternal pain
and i feel just the same
but im stronger


These bits I quoted aren't good enough compared to the other things I read in your poem. I'm not gonna tell you how I would like to have it, you'll have to find out yourself.

But if you're gonna change it, or maybe for the next time you write about an 'unoriginal, cliche' subject:

Play with words,
use your heart,
use your feelings,
use your vocabulair,
make sayings,
make metaphores,
use them,
use imagination
and tell a/your story!!!


Hope I cleared it up?

* offtopic :
(Im not trying to be harsh..If I seem harsh to you..sorry, not what I meant it to be)
Kurai_Dragon
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Kurai_Dragon | 28-08-2004 17:08
Hmm.
A good poem. I like the way the wording that is used. = P

KD
nanki_c
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nanki_c | 28-08-2004 17:19
Wous, dont worry im not offended! thanku for the advice.. no one else gives any and i need it! thanks
next time i write ill try and use that
nanki_c
0
nanki_c | 23-09-2004 13:06
well this isn't finished and its pretty crappy.. but i wanted to post it anyway..
ohk.. well.. comment if u want
................................................................
im tired of living a lie
of being pushed around
im tired of being left alone
of being included for pity

i cant handle this any more
i try, i work, i hurt
but i cant go on living like this any more

im tired of living my life in ur shadow
in my dim world of hurt and pain
im tired of seeing your fake smile
and your fake inclusion of me

i cant handle this any more
i try, i work, i hurt
but i cant go on living like this any more

Im burning inside
im breaking
im tearing
im dying.. slowly.. slowly..

I cant handle this any more
i try, i work,i hurt
but i cant go on living like this any more
nanki_c
0
nanki_c | 24-09-2004 14:49
*bump*
nanki_c
0
nanki_c | 28-09-2004 14:04
another one... comments plz..

.................................................................
funny how i see ur name and my heart starts to break
funny how i hear a song and ur voice echoes inside me head
funny how suddenly all i can think about is you, n what we had.. n what we lost..

funny how tears come dashing to my eyes
funny how my heart feels like its tearing into a million pieces
funny how whenever i remember you, even the happiest memories make me sad

funny how the stupidest love stories remind me of u
funny how im going nuts thinking about u
funny how im tears are dripping down my cheeks

funny how i started wanting to meet u after we lost it
funny how i lost u
funny how we never managed to make it

funny how the same thing keeps happening to me, and i never have the brain to notice it
funny how i somehow manage to push people away
funny how its not funny at all
nanki_c
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nanki_c | 02-10-2004 12:16
*bump*
x_StRaWbErReEz_
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x_StRaWbErReEz_ | 02-10-2004 12:37
wow nanki thats cool,


# funny how its cool #
lol

its real good
Desi4Ever07
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Desi4Ever07 | 02-10-2004 13:28
your poems are really nice
nanki_c
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nanki_c | 02-10-2004 13:57
thankyou
bRAndNewEv18
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bRAndNewEv18 | 02-10-2004 14:09
wow, I really like your poems!
DannyB
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DannyB | 02-10-2004 18:41
Good stuff! You're reallu talented Nankiii!
moviefann182
0
moviefann182 | 02-10-2004 18:52
nanki i lyk them, alot, there really really good.
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