276 to 300 of 302 comments
page 12 of 13
DannyB | 10-11-2005 12:21
I like it, very heartfelt 
beachgirl15 | 10-11-2005 12:37
they're sad and pretty. oh i'm jealous.
Baby_Cake | 10-11-2005 15:32
wow nanki
_AdreNaliN_ | 10-11-2005 15:37
That's beautifulblack_ivory | 10-11-2005 17:08
With a childlike smile, you say
"I can't tell time...."
Awesome line, seriously. You write beautifully Nanki, you've really done a good job. I think you've really grown as a writer. I'm proud of you pickle
"I can't tell time...."
Awesome line, seriously. You write beautifully Nanki, you've really done a good job. I think you've really grown as a writer. I'm proud of you pickle
nanki_c | 11-11-2005 18:30
Thankyou so much. Comments like that mean alot to me =)
icefyre | 13-11-2005 16:10
IT WAS YOU! that's why i can't write, you stole my brain 
i like the first one much better like that.
the second one is bloody good and the syntax of the last line is intriguing You'll be all too late. instead of the more rhythmically satisfying You'll all be too late. It gives an unfinished feel that's apt since you're talking about childhood and life goes on after that so the poem reflects it. just one little thing though...
*envelopes nanki* hehe *posts her* i think you mean "envelops" deary
tis definitely a poem, but then again i've been taught that if you argue it right, pretty much anything can be considered poetry. but still, tis surely a poem and i wouldn't change a thing
i like the first one much better like that.
the second one is bloody good and the syntax of the last line is intriguing You'll be all too late. instead of the more rhythmically satisfying You'll all be too late. It gives an unfinished feel that's apt since you're talking about childhood and life goes on after that so the poem reflects it. just one little thing though...
*envelopes nanki* hehe *posts her* i think you mean "envelops" deary
tis definitely a poem, but then again i've been taught that if you argue it right, pretty much anything can be considered poetry. but still, tis surely a poem and i wouldn't change a thing
nanki_c | 13-11-2005 16:17
lmao. thankyou so much alexus. you don't knoow how much that means to me =)
And lol i didn't even notice the envelopes thingy.. oops.
but honestly, thanks alot
And lol i didn't even notice the envelopes thingy.. oops.
but honestly, thanks alot
sarah_2204 | 13-11-2005 16:22
haha.
oh my
nanki
my darling
you
ROCK
oh my
nanki
my darling
you
ROCK
x_StRaWbErReEz_ | 13-11-2005 16:39
I _xthem.
I love the verse...
A child shouldn't live their days by hours,
as we do, as we do,
smile and play, smile and play,
but don't try to just get by..
You'll be all too late.
*nods*
Nanki scoresssssss again
_x
&iLuffyooh;;
I love the verse...
A child shouldn't live their days by hours,
as we do, as we do,
smile and play, smile and play,
but don't try to just get by..
You'll be all too late.
*nods*
Nanki scoresssssss again
_x
&iLuffyooh;;
nanki_c | 27-11-2005 13:30
Thankyou<3
don't consider this next thing a poem.
--------------------------------------------
Each word choking broken glass
on a broken chord
in a cracking throat
with a tear shedding, flying, running far and out and wide and away
if you listen close enough you'll hear the sound of a breaking heart, of a family tearing, of a life unliving.
Inkblotts and tearstains join to end the suffering of an angstridden soul
seeking to fly away,fly away
each word choking broken glass
on a broken chord
in a cracking throat
forcing back a rising sob, a choking cough
'i'm alright, i'm alright, something in my eye'
smile, smile, smile,
everything will be alright.
outpour of raw emotion
fingers clacking keys
each word choking broken glass
on a broken chord
in a cracking throat.
don't consider this next thing a poem.
--------------------------------------------
Each word choking broken glass
on a broken chord
in a cracking throat
with a tear shedding, flying, running far and out and wide and away
if you listen close enough you'll hear the sound of a breaking heart, of a family tearing, of a life unliving.
Inkblotts and tearstains join to end the suffering of an angstridden soul
seeking to fly away,fly away
each word choking broken glass
on a broken chord
in a cracking throat
forcing back a rising sob, a choking cough
'i'm alright, i'm alright, something in my eye'
smile, smile, smile,
everything will be alright.
outpour of raw emotion
fingers clacking keys
each word choking broken glass
on a broken chord
in a cracking throat.
black_ivory | 28-11-2005 17:27
I really love it. I think the repetition is really effective. You've used some really strong verbs such as 'shedding', which can have a double entendre, which makes it even more brilliant. You are truly blessed, my child.
nanki_c | 21-01-2006 17:08
Thankyou ceri
I'm not happy with his at all, but i haven't written in a long time, and i've been sitting on it long enough without doing anything to it. Well, its better than having written nothing. It's more random than really a poem.
----------------------------------------------------
Heat.
skin peeling off.
fragments.
watch in fascination
did that just happen?
did i feel that?
pain.
desire.
skin on skin.
And a tangle of limbs,
pulling on a heart string.
lying on a deckchair
staring at the stars
listening to the ocean
waiting for a moment.
infatuation.
loss.
brokenhearted.
did that just happen?
oh.
no.
maybe.. not.
And a cloud of smoke
engulfs you.
tears you down.
pulling the liquid hurt from your
eyes.
And its tendrils sneak towards,
you.
And you're lost.
I'm not happy with his at all, but i haven't written in a long time, and i've been sitting on it long enough without doing anything to it. Well, its better than having written nothing. It's more random than really a poem.
----------------------------------------------------
Heat.
skin peeling off.
fragments.
watch in fascination
did that just happen?
did i feel that?
pain.
desire.
skin on skin.
And a tangle of limbs,
pulling on a heart string.
lying on a deckchair
staring at the stars
listening to the ocean
waiting for a moment.
infatuation.
loss.
brokenhearted.
did that just happen?
oh.
no.
maybe.. not.
And a cloud of smoke
engulfs you.
tears you down.
pulling the liquid hurt from your
eyes.
And its tendrils sneak towards,
you.
And you're lost.
icefyre | 21-01-2006 20:01
i scrolled down but it was over
yish, you get into something good there, except i don't think the last couple of lines quite fit. but yeeah there should be mooore! MOO-RE!
the cow agrees.
yish, you get into something good there, except i don't think the last couple of lines quite fit. but yeeah there should be mooore! MOO-RE!
the cow agrees.
nanki_c | 21-02-2006 16:39
Tentatively called robot heart.<4
---------------------------------------------------
Ah.
The mechanical sighs and automatic kisses,
"I love you, I love you"
She says it again and again,
A benevolent automaton,
Following orders again -
"You love him, you love him"..
Ofcourse.
A cog in love's never-ending cycle,
Holding on to this rut,
Just for your convenience.
Just for your robot heart.
---------------------------------------------------
Ah.
The mechanical sighs and automatic kisses,
"I love you, I love you"
She says it again and again,
A benevolent automaton,
Following orders again -
"You love him, you love him"..
Ofcourse.
A cog in love's never-ending cycle,
Holding on to this rut,
Just for your convenience.
Just for your robot heart.
black_ivory | 21-02-2006 16:44
An unusual analogy, I have to say, but I think you've used it pretty well. Particularly "A benevolent automation" - wicked line.
icefyre | 21-02-2006 17:59
Ah.
The mechanical sighs and automatic kisses,
mmm almost perfect. nice assonance, alliteration and meter make that line just come together effortlessly. and i like what it says too, mechanical sighs is a nice phrase and i've never heard "automatic kisses" before. but yeah, i like.
The mechanical sighs and automatic kisses,
mmm almost perfect. nice assonance, alliteration and meter make that line just come together effortlessly. and i like what it says too, mechanical sighs is a nice phrase and i've never heard "automatic kisses" before. but yeah, i like.
nanki_c | 21-02-2006 18:40
Thankyou bothh <3.
Cer, yeah i s'pose it is.. i didn't really think when i wrote it. And alex, i'm not even entirely sure what assonance means haha, but thankyou =)
Cer, yeah i s'pose it is.. i didn't really think when i wrote it. And alex, i'm not even entirely sure what assonance means haha, but thankyou =)
nanki_c | 23-05-2006 18:39
this is nothing special really. its just been lying in its little notepad file for the last week and i've been incapable of changing it at all, so i decided i'd post it anyway.
--------------------------------------------------
Hands intwined,
He strokes her hair
As he kisses her softly,
Silently.
Longing.
She opens her soul, her dreams:
Their promises.
Like a flash of colour -
Moths to a flame,
Lips ajoining -
Unspoken words.
Spliced shards, a splitting heart -
No more?
She'd like to think so.
--------------------------------------------------
Hands intwined,
He strokes her hair
As he kisses her softly,
Silently.
Longing.
She opens her soul, her dreams:
Their promises.
Like a flash of colour -
Moths to a flame,
Lips ajoining -
Unspoken words.
Spliced shards, a splitting heart -
No more?
She'd like to think so.
icefyre | 24-05-2006 15:17
very Emily hehe
i'm not quite sure about the last three lines, but eh i sympathise, i've often done that when inspiration kinda trails off.
I like the simplicity, being able to see each individual brush stroke of the picture
i'm not quite sure about the last three lines, but eh i sympathise, i've often done that when inspiration kinda trails off.
I like the simplicity, being able to see each individual brush stroke of the picture
nanki_c | 24-05-2006 17:35
Yep, you as usual can read me annoyingly easily. i had a finish for it before i wrote it down, and once i actually wrote it, i lost it and settled for that i guess.
Heh, but thanks =]
Heh, but thanks =]
nanki_c | 06-10-2006 16:03
Well, I haven't posted something in a ridiculously long time, and this is nothing particularly great but I felt the need to awaken this thread..
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And your arms enclasped
me,
the power of a simple
gesture,
felt a hundred times
before -
And she felt
secure.
wanted.
loved.
so please:
repeat.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And your arms enclasped
me,
the power of a simple
gesture,
felt a hundred times
before -
And she felt
secure.
wanted.
loved.
so please:
repeat.
icefyre | 06-10-2006 16:39
is it called lather, rinse and..
mm tis nice, but i think it needs to be padded out a bit, it feels a bit.. brittle? if you know what i mean haha. but yes, run with it, it's a good start.
mm tis nice, but i think it needs to be padded out a bit, it feels a bit.. brittle? if you know what i mean haha. but yes, run with it, it's a good start.
nanki_c | 07-10-2006 13:02
thankies. Actually, it seeming brittle was sort of intended. In a sort of contrast to the content of the poem if you get what i mean. Mm i might work on it, but chances are i won't bother =P. But anyway, thankies for commenting <3.
royksopp3 | 16-10-2006 20:20
Nanki... I never knew you wrote poetry, let alone stuff this brilliant and beautiful!
guest
Read more:
i knew we wer ment 2 b
i kno u felt it too
we're da same in evry way
u were there 4 me
thru evrything, evry sting, evry bite
i kno u'll see
me thru evry fite
ill go beyond limits 4 u
i kno u'll do the same 4 me
ur neva far 4rm my mind
ill care 4 u endlessly
i rote these lines
coz ur soul matches mine.
....................................................................
every word u say is a little jolt to my heart,
every thought in my head shouts out your name,
my heart breaks while we're apart,
every breath in ur lungs is a tiny little gift to me.
My mind races when i hear ur voice,
ur an endless picture in my mind,
my heart faces an endless battle to tell you how much i love u,
we're two of a kind.
Just saying 1 word to u brightens my day,
seeing your face shines a light through my eyes,
this is all i wanted to say,
I dont want to hide behind lies..
......................................................................
i luv u
u say u do too
but all that is - is a lie,
sumtn fake,
u dont mean a single word u say,
m just a face in d background..
calling out ur name
but u don hear me..
i luv u
u sed u did too
how did those words go to waste?
.......................................................
all alone
on my own again
in a wasteland of nothingness.. a barren land
my life..
boredom, emptiness, lonliness.. sad n alone
lost the ppl who cared for me
lost the ppl who i care for..
all alone
in this battlezone..
called home
all alone,
on my own again..
in my bubble of self loathing and hate
no one knos me
no one cares
no one knos the person inside the ugly exterior
beauty is only skin deep
why dont u look alittle further?
all alone..
........................................................
i loved u
n i stil do
but m wounded..
stick a knife in me..
break all my bones
crack my skull, crush my lings
nothing will hurt me more..
than this pain
i'm bleeding inside
m dying
ur killing me
m dying.
.........................................................