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Would you care to rate this?

 
26-06-2004 23:39Gothic_Tink is offline Gothic_Tink  

18 posts
 Upon the ground you lay
Your own blood surrounds you
"Help me," you cry, "come back!"
as the sounds of the ones you most trusted
fade into the distance
You thought they would spare
a minute in their day to be with you
But now.. you lay dying because of them
Betrayed. The word floods your mind.
"Betrayed.." the last word you utter.


* offtopic :
Please don't be too harsh..




Showing posts 1-6 of 6Page 1 of 1

Reactions
26-06-2004 23:41fishmunky is online fishmunky 


22,057 posts
interesting...one of the better stabbed in the back things i've read..they always hurt you instead of the ones they love the most
27-06-2004 00:20Freek_a_Leek is offline Freek_a_Leek 

1,346 posts
that was good. kinda depressing but like the person above me said, one of the better stabbed in the back passages ive read.
27-06-2004 00:33punkasskid is offline punkasskid 

2,280 posts
*hands you a vodka pie* i rele like it....truthful and brilliantly put together
29-06-2004 03:45Gothic_Tink is offline Gothic_Tink 

18 posts
 Wow, thanks.
30-06-2004 07:49Wous is offline Wous 

2,930 posts
Nice work girl
06-07-2004 23:52Nighte is offline Nighte 

1 posts
This is a rather nice little poem. Very good idea also. You might want to see if you can't take out or replace a few of the 'you's that you put in it. Using the same word over and over tends to get repetative. But otherwise, I liked it a lot.

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