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Jokes - have a good, shortish joke?, write it here!
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| read 2,603 reaction(s) |
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@ 20-06-2004 19:23 Elfwid | 2,093 posts
| If you have a good, shortish joke, write it here
* offtopic :
(i know there could be others like this)
i'll start with...
did you hear my hamster died, he fell asleep at the wheel. (anyone can do better than that) |
| Showing posts 2,551-2,575 of 2,603 | Page 103 of 105 |
| Discussion |
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 +2  @ 30-01-2008 00:45 do_right_girl | 
75 posts
| Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any. | | 0 @ 30-01-2008 09:03 TheAnnoyance | 
44,308 posts
|
* offtopic :
lmao @ the sperm one
| | 0 @ 30-01-2008 15:02 do_right_girl |
75 posts
| What's the difference between a 'Spice Girls' video and a porn video?
The porn video has better music!
| | 0 @ 30-01-2008 15:07 xRUBYx | 
130 posts
| Haha, i like that.
Why did god give men penises?
So they'd always have at least one way to shut a woman up!
(Sorry only know 2 liners,lol.)
| | 0 @ 31-01-2008 20:40 RandmBiskit | 
225 posts
| lmfao @ sum of these jks
ok, there r like a hundred pages n i couldn't b bothered reading most of them, so soz if this one's already here...
an enlishman, a scottishman and an irishman all work on scaffolding 43 floors up. one day, the englishman opens his packed lunch and says "peanut butter sandwiches again! if my wife makes them one more day, i'll jump off this scaffolding!"
the scottishman opens his lunch, and says, "i'm getting really sick of having slad every day, if i get it one more time, i'm going to jump off this as well!"
the irishman opens his packed lunch as well, and says, "if i get cheese sandwiches in my lunch one more time, i'll jump off too!"
the next day, the englishman opens his packed lunch and, sure enough, it's peanut butter sandwiches again. he sighs, looks at the others, and says, "that's it! i'm jumping!" and he jumps off the scaffolding.
the scotsman opens his lunch and it's salad again. he says to the irishman, "well, here goes," and jumps off.
the irishman opens his packed lunch and it's cheese sandwiches. he hesitates, licks his lips, and shrugs. "what the hell," he says, and jumps.
at the funeral, their wives are sobbing over the whole thing. the englishman's wife wails, "if only i'd known he didn't want peanut butter, he'd still be here now!"
the scotsman's wife sobs, "he should have told me he didn't like cheese, i would have given him something else!"
they both look expectantly at the irishman's wife, witing for her to join in. there's a pause, and then she says:
"he packed his own lunch."
 hahaha
sorry, it's a bit of a long one, but i love that jk | | 0 @ 31-01-2008 20:46 RandmBiskit |
225 posts
| here's another one:
an englishman, an irishman and a scotsman go up a cliff. they see a sign, and go over to read it. it says:
if you jump off this cliff and shout something, you'll land in whatever you shouted
so, the englishman jumps and shouts "chocolate" and, sure enough, he lands in a huge pile of chocolate.
any doubts gone, the scotsman walks along a bit, jumps, and shouts "hundred pound notes". he lands in a huge pile of 100 pound notes.
the irishman is walking along, trying to decide what to shout, when he stumbles over a rock and falls over the cliff. without thinking, he shouts at the top of his voice: "shiiiit!!!!"
lol
i like englishman, scotsman, irishman jokes. another version is brunette, redhead and blonde go up a hill and there's a slide, and the blonde says "wee!" when she goes down it...
here's another one:
an englishman, a scotsman and an irishman all walk into a bar.
you'd think one of them would have seen it. | | 0 @ 01-02-2008 14:19 xRUBYx |
130 posts
| A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current picture.
Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony he cuts one in half and sends her the top part. Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half.
He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong part, but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is and hopes she won't notice.
A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says, "Thank you for the picture. Change you hair style...it makes your nose look too long."
| | +2 @ 01-02-2008 14:21 xRUBYx |
130 posts
| What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing and gargling. | | 0 @ 01-02-2008 14:57 TheAnnoyance |
44,308 posts
| ^ | | +3 @ 02-02-2008 21:06 carole | 26,874 posts
| ^ lol gross
a zoophilic guy, a sadistic guy, a necrophilic guy, a serial killer, a masochistic guy and a pyromaniac guy are sitting on a bench.
the zoophilic guy says "lets catch a cat". the sadistic guy says "lets catch a cat and then torture it". the serial killer says "lets catch a cat, torture it and then kill it". the necrophilic guy says "lets catch a cat, torture it, kill it and then f*ck it". the pyromaniac guy says "lets catch a cat, torture it, kill it, f*ck it and then burn it". the masochistic guy says "meow". | | +1 @ 02-02-2008 21:13 misfitgurl444 | 5,153 posts
| Lol I have a good one.
What did the right pussy lip say to the left pussy lip?
We better split! Here comes two nuts driving a hotrod.
 | | +4 @ 04-02-2008 00:17 xRUBYx |
130 posts
| What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
Sexual harassment.
What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
£3.99 a minute.
| | +2 @ 12-02-2008 22:06 TheAnnoyance |
44,308 posts
| Ok lame joke.
There's a man in the middle of the ocean, who's boat has been destroyed by bad weather, and he's in the water drowning. Another boat comes past and shouts if he wants any help, but he says "No thanks, God'll save me". Another half hour passes and another boat comes past and asks if he'd like some help, but again he says "No thanks, God'll save me". By the time another half hour has passed, the man has drowned.
He arrives at the pearly gates, and asks God "Why the hell didn't you save me?", and he says "I sent you two f***king boats!" | | -5 @ 13-02-2008 08:58 geopan | 157 posts
| How can burn a blonde's ear?
Call her while she is ironing...
(She will put the iron in her ear, thinking that it is the handset!!!) | | +1 @ 21-03-2008 19:37 TheAnnoyance |
44,308 posts
| The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which
human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, "You should not
be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my
parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire
you!"
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part
increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
Little Mary's mouth fell open.
Then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!"
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body
part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of
the eye.
Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and
continued.
"As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:
One, you have a dirty mind.
Two, you didn't read your homework.
And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed." | | 0 @ 21-03-2008 19:38 TheAnnoyance |
44,308 posts
|
* offtopic :
Meh, sorry about the layout of that post. Crappy C&P job.
| | 0 @ 21-03-2008 21:46 ice_white_tiger | 
14,472 posts
| Awww, I miss this thread...
* offtopic :
I made a thread like this WAY back, but it never took off... instead they all liked JAMESY'S joke thread...
| | +1 @ 21-03-2008 22:04 ice_white_tiger |
14,472 posts
| Paddy goes into a confessional, and says "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned, I have been with a loose woman?"
The Priest says, "Is that you, Paddy?", to which Paddy confirms. "Who was the woman you were with?"
"I cannot tell you, father," Paddy replies, "Because I don't want
to ruin her reputation."
"Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"No, father."
"Was it Fiona MacDonald?"
"No."
"Was it Ann Brown?"
"No."
"Was it Amy Thomas?"
"No Father! I cannot tell you!"
Becoming frustrated, the priest gives up. "I admire your preseverence Paddy, but still you must be punished. Your penance will be 20 'Hail Mary's'." And he bids him good day.
Outside the church, Paddy's friend Sean is waiting for him. "Well, what did you get?!"
"20 Hail Mary's and 4 good leads" | | 0 @ 21-03-2008 22:07 PinkFloyd | 
25,789 posts
| I don't get it. | | 0 @ 21-03-2008 22:19 ice_white_tiger |
14,472 posts
| Neither do I, I was hoping someone would laugh though  | | 0 @ 21-03-2008 22:22 ice_white_tiger |
14,472 posts
| OK, one that I DO understand and could be alittle bit "ohhhhh"
A young boy and a peodophile are walking through the woods late one night.
"I'm scared," says the little boy, "I'm cold and it's dark and I'm scared!"
"You think you're scared? I gotta walk back alone..." | | 0 @ 21-03-2008 22:23 PinkFloyd |
25,789 posts
| I don't get that one either. The pedo has to walk back alone? Are pedo's affraid of being alone in the forest? I just don't get it.  | | 0 @ 21-03-2008 22:24 PinkFloyd |
25,789 posts
| Oh, because he's planning on killing the boy? Gotcha, ok, that's pretty good I suppose. | | -2 @ 21-03-2008 22:38 TheAnnoyance |
44,308 posts
|
* offtopic :
I made a thread like this WAY back, but it never took off... instead they all liked JAMESY'S joke thread...
haha i know. i obviously make better threads
| 0 @ 22-03-2008 01:45 Mr_Pie_Guy_69 | 
1,203 posts
| what do you call a priest on a toilet? holy shit
how do you get a one armed newfie out of a tree? wave to him
i know some other jokes but i think they may be quite offensive to some people |
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