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Captain_Keeta | 28-01-2016 00:31
I'd like to revisit this thread for a few reasons.
First of all, after reading all of what I said two years ago, I'm extremely embarrassed and disgusted with myself on how I treated Sierra, Curt, Heather, Sarah, Bruna, Joe and even Joey as I specifically said that this thread was open to everyone and everyone's opinions. The lack of respect I showed you guys made me seriously want to rip my hair out as I am nothing like that in real life. I definitely am fortunate for these responses I got in this thread because all of what you guys said makes sense to me. I believe I was ignoring what was being said because for starters, I was 15 and immature as hell. Also, I also believe a reason I had ignored such responses especially from Curt and Sierra because at the time, I thought they were being sarcastic and just trying to provoke me. I look at that now and realize they were doing just the opposite; they were giving extremely helpful advice that I should've taken. Same goes for what Heather and Sarah were saying as well. I definitely regret being this awful to you guys because like I keep saying, you guys were just trying to give your own opinion on all of what I was going through.
This is one of my first posts in this thread and needless to say, I didn't stick with it as I was easily offended by the truth:
(3/18/14)
I would also like to sincerely apologize for the amount of disrespect I showed you three. (Joe, Curt, Sierra) Although I don't get along with some of you because I'm a turd and just a bored teenager with a laptop, your opinions were welcome and I clearly didn't want to hear the truth while I was going through all of that.
Joe said this on March 25th, 2014 and pretty much hit the nail on the head:
While going back to read this all, I stopped to read Joe's post he made here several times because everything he said is the complete and honest truth. Which is another reason why I'm quite embarrassed and disgusted with myself - because Curt and Sierra were just saying the truth, and 2014 me didn't want to hear it.
Also this:
That's one thing I did, I sucked it up and kept pushing through. Yes, I'm doing my schooling online and yes, I'm not getting much social time with anyone other than my parents, my online principal, my teachers and people down at the YMCA, but this was the best option because I didn't want to fall down again. I was weak back then and I look back at it now and I am impressed with how far I have come, but I am not impressed with how I went about it. Mainly because of the amount of disrespect I showed on here to people who were trying to help and disrespect to the people I care about most in my life.
This was a post from Heather that I also completely ignored and I genuinely wish I had done this. This would've helped me tremendously. Like I stated in Randomness last night, while I was doing community service at the YMCA, I really had no time to think about what was going to be happening in a week or two and getting a simple job would've been a key factor to solving this problem.
I also would like to discuss my improvements in this post as well.
I do believe my social skills have increased as I worked with many people and I did an excellent job working with them. There really is no social time with online schooling but I've been trying to get out everyday. Like a few days ago, me and a couple of friends went snowboarding - had this been 2014, I would've backed out and made a lame excuse. I'm glad that I went as I had a great time! Same goes with doing the community service at the YMCA and because of that, I finally got a job! Let's not forget about being accepted into a college, touring it and even meeting new people!
So, with this long Practicy post coming to an end, I would like to once again, sincerely apologize to Sierra, Heather, Curt, Sarah, Bruna, Joe and Joey for the amount of disrespect I showed all of you.
First of all, after reading all of what I said two years ago, I'm extremely embarrassed and disgusted with myself on how I treated Sierra, Curt, Heather, Sarah, Bruna, Joe and even Joey as I specifically said that this thread was open to everyone and everyone's opinions. The lack of respect I showed you guys made me seriously want to rip my hair out as I am nothing like that in real life. I definitely am fortunate for these responses I got in this thread because all of what you guys said makes sense to me. I believe I was ignoring what was being said because for starters, I was 15 and immature as hell. Also, I also believe a reason I had ignored such responses especially from Curt and Sierra because at the time, I thought they were being sarcastic and just trying to provoke me. I look at that now and realize they were doing just the opposite; they were giving extremely helpful advice that I should've taken. Same goes for what Heather and Sarah were saying as well. I definitely regret being this awful to you guys because like I keep saying, you guys were just trying to give your own opinion on all of what I was going through.
This is one of my first posts in this thread and needless to say, I didn't stick with it as I was easily offended by the truth:
Absolutely. I want to hear from all of you because you guys are much more smarter than me and more mature. Obviously, most of you aren't psychologists but I'd still love to hear from all of you.
(3/18/14)
I would also like to sincerely apologize for the amount of disrespect I showed you three. (Joe, Curt, Sierra) Although I don't get along with some of you because I'm a turd and just a bored teenager with a laptop, your opinions were welcome and I clearly didn't want to hear the truth while I was going through all of that.
Joe said this on March 25th, 2014 and pretty much hit the nail on the head:
You seem to take offense to anything or anyone who doesn't agree with your particular view that the world is out to get you. Trust me, it isn't out to get you and I'll tell you why. The world doesn't care about 1 insignificant child in NY whose having problems with a part of his life that turns out to be pretty inconsequential in the end anyway.
You've made this thread and I genuinely hope it is helping you, but being an asshole to people who are just being honest with you does nothing but piss them off. The fact that you get so angry when they are honest with you, shows me that you don't really want help, you just want to be the center of attention.
While going back to read this all, I stopped to read Joe's post he made here several times because everything he said is the complete and honest truth. Which is another reason why I'm quite embarrassed and disgusted with myself - because Curt and Sierra were just saying the truth, and 2014 me didn't want to hear it.
Also this:
I firmly believe that a lot of this is in your head Jeff, and I agree with Curt that you need to suck it up and just push through it. Life doesn't get any easier.
That's one thing I did, I sucked it up and kept pushing through. Yes, I'm doing my schooling online and yes, I'm not getting much social time with anyone other than my parents, my online principal, my teachers and people down at the YMCA, but this was the best option because I didn't want to fall down again. I was weak back then and I look back at it now and I am impressed with how far I have come, but I am not impressed with how I went about it. Mainly because of the amount of disrespect I showed on here to people who were trying to help and disrespect to the people I care about most in my life.
Get a job. I know you've said that you work but I believe you said it was family. Get a stupid job bussing at a restaurant or something. I know it sounds stupid but it can be so helpful. It will give you purpose & a bit of social life & the added bonus of money. It will also help prove to your parents that you're responsible & have no problem going to somewhere consistently that you feel comfortable at.
This was a post from Heather that I also completely ignored and I genuinely wish I had done this. This would've helped me tremendously. Like I stated in Randomness last night, while I was doing community service at the YMCA, I really had no time to think about what was going to be happening in a week or two and getting a simple job would've been a key factor to solving this problem.
I also would like to discuss my improvements in this post as well.
I do believe my social skills have increased as I worked with many people and I did an excellent job working with them. There really is no social time with online schooling but I've been trying to get out everyday. Like a few days ago, me and a couple of friends went snowboarding - had this been 2014, I would've backed out and made a lame excuse. I'm glad that I went as I had a great time! Same goes with doing the community service at the YMCA and because of that, I finally got a job! Let's not forget about being accepted into a college, touring it and even meeting new people!
So, with this long Practicy post coming to an end, I would like to once again, sincerely apologize to Sierra, Heather, Curt, Sarah, Bruna, Joe and Joey for the amount of disrespect I showed all of you.
zjenn4 | 28-01-2016 02:15
That is probably the most grown up and mature posts you've made, Jeff. I'm proud of you. Once you get a little more independence and some experience under your belt, I hope that one day you are able to mentor or at least give some advice to the up and coming generation after you as people have done for you.
Captain_Keeta | 28-01-2016 02:25
Sometimes, mistakes need to be made in order to achieve great success. I'd really hope that one day I'm able to mentor people as well!
Thank you, Jen,
Thank you, Jen,
FireWaterBurn6 | 09-02-2016 06:24
Does this mean my advice rules and I was right?
Captain_Keeta | 09-02-2016 06:26
That's exactly what it means.
CarlJ | 13-02-2016 19:10
wow....well said jeff.....maybe you are starting to get it all.
Captain_Keeta | 22-08-2016 11:02
Well, today is the big day! The day I step out of my comfort zone and start reliving my life like I used to. I never imagined myself getting to this point in my life and to be quite honest, I'm sure glad I made it. Although I have been doing fine this past year, I sure did realize what I was missing. Doing online schooling and not being able to see my friends was a very hard challenge that I soon got used to. If there was anything I could go back and change, it would be the way I think and process things. I personally would always think there will always be that one person who is out there just to bring me down and destroy my progress, but in reality, I would cause that. Had my attitude about things been a bit different and more positive, many things in my life would be different. But everything happens for a reason, right?
That being said, I've devoted way too much time on here playing these silly games and that will come to an end. My school work comes first. I plan on still being active around here, just within a few threads. I look back at my posts from 2009 up to about 2014 and they were sure cringy. I can see how Joey has developed a skill to pass over my cringy posts.
But if there was one thing I could do around this site, that would include, having a better attitude, not spending my life on here and thinking and processing my posts before posting them. As I said before, everything happens for a reason.
But to get back on topic with everything, I will be going to college full time and I will still be working at the YMCA. Ironically, the YMCA is connected to my college I'm going to, so that's a huge plus! Working just under full time and going to school full time will really be a challenge, but if I can accomplish 16 online classes in under seven months, I think I can handle this! I've thought about college for most of my summer and in all honesty, I think it will be an excellent experience for me. I have a lot of goals and plans for this next chapter of my life. My biggest goal is to achieve at least a 3.0 GPA and my plan to achieve that goal is to take college seriously. Within that goal, I also plan on continuing to produce my music, start to work on more computer projects, help people who have gone through what I have gone through, continue to associate with all of my friends from high school and associate with the friends I'll make in college!
As this post comes to an end, I would genuinely like to thank all of the active members around this thread that have dealt with me for the past seven years. You all should feel old now because I was 11 when I joined this site, I'm 18 now! I was an annoying, derpy 5th grader, and now I am an annoying, derpy college student.
Time flies.
So seriously, everyone that I have talked to on here, thank you all for dealing with me.
That being said, I've devoted way too much time on here playing these silly games and that will come to an end. My school work comes first. I plan on still being active around here, just within a few threads. I look back at my posts from 2009 up to about 2014 and they were sure cringy. I can see how Joey has developed a skill to pass over my cringy posts.
But if there was one thing I could do around this site, that would include, having a better attitude, not spending my life on here and thinking and processing my posts before posting them. As I said before, everything happens for a reason.But to get back on topic with everything, I will be going to college full time and I will still be working at the YMCA. Ironically, the YMCA is connected to my college I'm going to, so that's a huge plus! Working just under full time and going to school full time will really be a challenge, but if I can accomplish 16 online classes in under seven months, I think I can handle this! I've thought about college for most of my summer and in all honesty, I think it will be an excellent experience for me. I have a lot of goals and plans for this next chapter of my life. My biggest goal is to achieve at least a 3.0 GPA and my plan to achieve that goal is to take college seriously. Within that goal, I also plan on continuing to produce my music, start to work on more computer projects, help people who have gone through what I have gone through, continue to associate with all of my friends from high school and associate with the friends I'll make in college!
As this post comes to an end, I would genuinely like to thank all of the active members around this thread that have dealt with me for the past seven years. You all should feel old now because I was 11 when I joined this site, I'm 18 now! I was an annoying, derpy 5th grader, and now I am an annoying, derpy college student.
Time flies.So seriously, everyone that I have talked to on here, thank you all for dealing with me.
ccloud | 22-08-2016 16:04
i just read this and i saw how long it goes back.there's many people who suffer from anxiety there is not always an explanation. you should be so proud of yourself for everyday you make it thru.its not easy for grownups so it certainly could not have been easy for you.later you will look back and know this has all made you stronger and i hope people will continue to support you in ways that you need
Captain_Keeta | 22-08-2016 16:35
I most certainly am proud of myself because I've finally managed this. You're also very right, it is not easy, it's not easy for anyone, but it is the strength and willpower to continue to keep pushing forward no matter how dark it is. Thank you for your response. 
roxcyn | 28-08-2016 00:28
You've got this, Jeff. You can do it!
reis | 08-09-2016 18:06
Just trying to post according to the thread!
reis | 08-09-2016 18:10
I am lucky snuff to take some great medicines 4 anxiety...vistaril and ambien to put my act to sleep. The success of my site, 231 last week, is a big ego boost...I just want to fit in and not get others up and weirded out by my lyrics. Later!
Captain_Keeta | 08-09-2016 21:06
Glad you are doing well with your anxiety! You're very welcome to post here if you need further assistance.
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As most of you are aware, I suffer from a severe anxiety disorder known as Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Not only has this impacted me, but also the ones that I most care about.
I can't pull myself together anymore because it is consuming me. School has been a bitch lately. People talk crap behind my back, no one at my school helps me and most people don't seem to understand what I'm going through. What helps me out in school the most is keeping a journal where I can freely write without any judgement. Lately, I've been requested by my school principal to rate the day out of 1 - 10. 1 being really cruddy and 10 being flawless. Since the end of January, every day has been no higher than a 7.. I sit in my class and start to have a panic attack over absolutely nothing. They are basically irrational fears. For an example, during my Global class, we were talking about the topic of World War II and for some odd reason, my heart rate increased drastically for no apparent reason. If you don't know what uncomfortable means, try having a panic attack in front of 20+ people. What makes it even worse is that now 3 times, I've had our school's resource officer basically scold me to class while I'm trying to regroup and calm down. This officer has not only threatened me with handcuffs but has also threatened to put his foot in my ass. I was told by my principal that when I have an anxiety attack during class, he told me to come down to the main office and go sit with him to try and calm down. Just recently, I had a panic attack in Geometry class for no apparent reason yet again and I went down to see him. I got there and not only did he yell at me, but he also told me I am a complete and utter failure to me, and my parents. At this point, I was totally shocked. So then he sends the resource officer to force me back to class and once again threatened me. After that incident, I became so depressed and basically gave up with the outside world. Last week, (3-10-14) was the only day I attended school. Everyday but Wednesday, I was absent from school. (Wednesday, 3-12-14 we had a snow day.) On Tuesday, my parents saw that I wasn't talking and saying anything and so they had to take immediate action; they went down to the school and tried to resolve any issues I feel I had there. I am no longer in Geometry for the rest of year because that isn't required to graduate high school. Today, (3-17-14) was probably one of my worst days yet. I woke up feeling fine and then as soon as school time hit, I panicked and avoided going there. I did managed to get myself there at around 8:50ish this morning. At around 10:35ish, I started to think about anxiety and it immediately sparked a nervous breakdown. I told my English teacher that I needed to leave because I was panicking. I left the class and went down to the nurse's office and she asked me why I was hyperventilating. I got all worked up over the little thought of anxiety. She took my blood pressure and my heart rate and both were off the charts. Then what made it even worse is when the principal came into the nurse's office and then threatened me by saying, "You either go to your next class or I'm sending you home because there is no reason for you to be here if you can't get to your classes." I felt like someone had sucker punched me because that totally threw me off. It took me until 12:30 to finally calm down and get back to class. So to summarize my day, it was shitty.
So what I'm trying to say is that I am completely depressed in my life and I really have no idea how much longer I can take this. I try and tell myself that I am okay and that there is absolutely nothing to be afraid of but it never seems to work. I'm starting to run out of options and I am on thin ice. What I question are two simple things; Who would want to live a life like mine and the point of life. I plan on posting here almost everyday to see how the days progressively change. So if you have a problem with me posting here daily, suck it up and deal with it because I want to see how the days go. This took courage and balls to type/write because it just gives me anxiety thinking about it. Plus, I'm really releasing some of my personal life.
I hope this helps me deal with my anxiety/depression.