Broked It

I just bought an apple.

but you've lost it

the sun is shining through the window

Suddenly a huge missile exploades the sun. As the sunshine fades, so does the temperature of earth and the humans.

My dog won't stop barking

Cuz it's cursed by a witch, that it'll bark until it dies.
After many days of breaking window panes, persistent headaches, tearing eardrums, eroded patience & Krudegard's loss of sanity caused by the constant barking, the whole neighbourhood decided to kill it. But before they could kill it, an admirer of that dog, a bitch (cuz dogs r dumb like that), saved him by licking the mouth of the cursed one, ultimately breaking the curse. (since dogs can't kiss -atleast i don't think so- I replaced kissing with licking, cause that's all they do. Weird dogs!)
This angered the witch a lot. She instantaneously hopped upon her vacuum cleaner (the witch like modern things), flew to her enemy, took out her iWand, open the magical game of 'Dog Ninja' and slashed each of the dog's bodies into little, tiny, tiny pieces. Those pieces were so tiny that they floated in the air and upon inhaling them they cured and recovered everybody's good health including Krudegard's sanity too.
And everyone lived happily ever after, especially that witch.
Mwahahaha!


(Sorry! I got a little carried away with the story.)

Once upon a time, Lord Voldemort decided to have a nose implantation....

but the nose was taken off a rotting corpse and it rotted the rest of Voldemort away as well.

I once had a red wagon

I LIEK MILK

But really, you just hate it.

One time, I peed myself.

Actually you had your first period.

I have homework to do.

And you didn't do it cuz later that day, your school was blown up by some local gang. (Everybody hates school with a capital H)

Once, Justin Bieber decided to go to a stripper club.
(Please, feel free to Destroy that girl, or whatever that face is.)

Luckily, the airforce base was focused on that particular strip club, and suceed to blow up the place while Justin Bieber was in there. Since the strippers were all over him, they took the damage and he survived. But due to all the chemical waste from the attack, he was never able to sing again.

Once, Markus Krunegård decided to go to a park

He thought to have a run. He started run and started run faster and faster and faster and faster... SUDDENLY he spots something shiny in the bushes, he goes near it, and when he touched the bush, he's transported to another dimension. Feeling all confused, he starts to sing which attracts the crazy monsters of that dimension. At that place, a things is thought to be good to consume if it makes good sound. Hearing Marcus' good sound, they pounced upon him, tore him into chunky pieces and devoured him. BURRRRRPPPP!

Once upon a time, Hitler lost his all of his memories...

(Poor Markus! :'c )
Very confounded, he starts walking the streets of Berlin. The people of course assume he's a composter, and chases him in anger. Just in time, Hitler hops on an airplane and realizes it's headed to a village in Australia. To not get ambushed again, he shaves off his ugly little moustache, and when he gets off the plane no one notices him at all! The last years of his life he spends selling diapers from his new company.

I'm typing this words on my computer.

Then I thought, 'Hey, why not jump on the keyboard and see what I'll type.' So I put the keyboard on the floor and started jumping on it. Yay! Fun. Not. It broke and one of its pieces pierced my foot so I jumped again, wailing like a dying goat, 'Maaaaaaaaah!' Thrashing my beautiful hands I dropped the monitor from the desk to the floor & BAM! It's broken. I was shocked! Then I thought of a plan. I broke rest of the PC, dusted my hands off, smiled and later on blamed it all upon the evil pet of ours, Bruno the Labrador. Ha!
My parents kicked out the devil (not me, I am talking about dog. D'uh!), bought a brand new, super cool PC and I lived happily ever after. Well... on second thoughts I lived happily until that PC was up to date. :-P

Once upon a time, there was a hot blond guy named Black

This hot blond guy named Black had watched this girl for ages... Everyday he saw her head out of her house, about to live through her allday business. Til one day, Black gathered his words and courage and came up to the girl, to speak the truth. "I love you Saina," he exclaimed. In that very moment, Saina realizes that she also love this hot blond guy named Black. They fall into eachothers arms.

A dying goat is standing outside my window.

(Hey! You didn't destroy that guy. That's the theme, no? Plus, Blonds aren't my type.)

A dying goat is standing outside KG's window. I happened to drop by KG's home. When I came to know that the goat is dying, I thought, 'Wow, this is a great oppurtunity!'. So I set up a camp near the goat and watched it die slowly, slowly. But to my horror, it wouldn't die. I got fed up. I rose from there and decided to make it easy for the goat by shooting it. But, I didn't have a gun. I asked KG, she replied negative. I asked all of my friends. No one had a gun. Then I concluded, major steps had to be taken. I filed for arms license. And God! Did it took time? After filling up several forms, and all the blah blah, I finally get myself a gun. I immediately went to the bitch who's still dying. Hell! Even Lord Voldemort died faster. I aimed at the head of the standing goat, and shot. But the blasted creature fainted and fell down on the ground. As a result I missed the shot, and the bullet broke through KG's window and hit at the 42 inch tv. Oops! But I was not deterred from my motive. I again aimed at the goat but it again moved and I again missed. I tried again & again & again, but never got to shoot that goat. In my attempt to kill it, KG lost a lot of furniture, appliances and what not. But that goat never died. I finally accepted my defeat (actually KG took away my gun, being afraid that I will destroy whatever is leftof her home). I sat in front of the dying goat, feeling utterly tired, defeated, lost, hopeless and I started crying out of frustration. After awhile, I collected myself and started for my home. Suddenly, the goat died.
The end.

(Yes, that's life or death in this case. Whatever you do, it won't go according to your plan. Never my friend,never.)

Once upon a time, there was a guy named Bart Simpson, son of Homer Simpson.

(How'd you know how big my tv is? O.o)
The life of Bart Simpson was not a fabulous life. He did his last prank one day, and fed up as his dad Homer was, Bart was slowly strangled to death by him. Homer got so surprised by the serious crime he just commited, that he decided to get his chainsaw. He put his son Bart Simpson, now in funny small pieces, in a bag after chopping him. Then the father simply went to the closest lake and tossed the Bart-containing bag into it. Homer spared the bowels though and decorated the tree with them, christmas as it was.

Obama is the president of USA.

(Nowadays it's like everybody has a 42inches TV. )


Mr. Obama is the president of the USA. Mrs. Michelle Obama is the first lady. (I totally admire her.) One day, he uttered the blasphemous words, "She(Kamala Harris) also happens to be, by far, the best-looking attorney general...It's true! C'mon." From that day he sleeps on couch by the orders of the first lady as a punishment for the crime of praising (a lot) a woman other than his wife. My dear Americans, from that day a part of Mr. Obama is destroyed- his ability to praise another woman.

(I just can't destroy President of USA, so I chose the safe way.)
(My begining of the new story is inspired by the dream I had today)

A freaky spirit entered into one of my family member, Jack, a 10yr old boy, turning him into a zombie whenever he's enraged...

Jack tried to remain calm as much as possible, but the teacher annoyed him by assigning homework, so he ate her brains. Then he went on a rampage and tried to eat everyone in the school. The military was called in and they could not stop him, as they kept shooting him everywhere, but unlike other zombie's, he could not be destroyed that way. Then Doc Brown showed up, assessed the situation, went back in time and prevented the spirit from entering Jack in the first place by having the Ghostbusters zap the spirit.

A giant robot was created to protect us all.....

The giant robot was shaped like a dinosaur.

"ROOOAAARRRR" it seemed to say (in a very mechanical voice). In actuality, what it meant was, "There are vicious aliens on the way to Earth; I'm here to protect the human race!" but, as usual, people were afraid of what they couldn't understand.

The dinosaur robot had a strange symbol marked on its left side. The symbol looked like the "no smoking" sign, but in place of a cigarette was a pear. The people of Earth took this to mean the robot could be killed by pears, and therefore many people ran to their nearest supermarkets and fruit 'n' veg stores to buy as much of the fruit as possible. They pelted the robot with hundreds and hundreds of pears, until eventually military helicopters joined in; dumping whole nets of the fruit on top of Jimmy (the robot dinosaur) and shooting pears out of modified rocket launchers.

When the aliens saw this, they realised what an idiotic race humans are and decided it would simply be too easy and useless to attempt killing them and taking over the planet, and so they turned around and left.

Meanwhile, enough pears had been hurled at Jimmy for him to topple over and malfunction. He had possessed an immunity to the aliens' powers, but the physical force of dozens of thousands of pears proved too much for him.

The Earth rejoiced, although the host city was quite sad at the amount of pears lost in the "fight".

----

I received new shoes and a messenger bag today.

Soon as the shoes and the bag arrived to Joeyy's house, they realized that they couldn't stand the torture of her house. Quickly they teamed up and set off to a journey to escape. But ignorant as they were, they decided to cross the highway. Not three steps did they get, before a huge truck drove over them both and crushed them to death.

I ordered a copy of Kalevala today.

Didn't understand what is it. So threw it in the bin.

My Maths teacher is making fun of me in the class because I got 0 marks in a test.

(From Sweden with love)
Suddenly, four wikings riding huge walruses jumps through the windows into Saina's classroom. With chains made out of broken glass and iron thornes, the wikings attach Saina's math teachers legs and arms to the chains. The walruses then delicatly goes in different directions, hence stretching out the teacher. Then they all of sudden tear away, and yanks off all the limbs of the math teacher. As the students are free to do whatsoever with the painfully dying teacher, the wikings ride their way home again.

There's a pen next to me.

There's a pen next to me...
Oh, let me explain the situation that i was in: Well, you see I am a night creature who will always love to ignore mornings and never experience it. But as you know, majority of this blasted world thinks, ' Early to bed, early to rise, blah blah blah' that shit. So here I am trying to get through the ugly morning classes. It's my third class and still feeling like shit. So I decided to chill in the darkest corner of the classroom aka the last bench. I slept through the first half of the class and was on the way to spend the next half in the same manner when suddenly I was awakened, thanks to the latecomer, Kabir, who chose to sit next to me. He's a typical example of good looking, bad boy in the locality. I looked at him through my droopy eyes and the bitch doesn't even notice me. He threw his F-ing bag at me & even dared to look surprised. I started to get angry but being sleepy, I just picked up his bag and placed it on his side of the desk with more force than required. I'm not scared of him. Boys don't hit girls and I'm intelligent enough to take advantage of that fact. He just chuckled and sat down, finally. So much drama just for sitting.
Rest of the class, I spent by, guess what? Yeah, Yeah, Sleeping! I was again awakened by the harsh sound of the bell, telling us kids to pick up our cute asses to the next class. I was finally awake in the real sense and was ready to show the whole world how nerdy I'm. But as I was getting up from my seat I heard something drop. When I looked around, it was a pen. Another thing that you should know that I love pens. If you wanna gift me something, please let it be a beautiful pen. I was going to pick it up, then I realised it belongs to Kabir (he's also a lover of pens and is notorious for stealing them). I remembered how he pissed me off in the class. I was instantaneously surrounded by rage. I picked up the pen, marched towards his group and in front of him threw the pen to the ground and crushed it with my foot. I smiled at his pissed off expression and simply went to attend my next class.
---x---

I am attending a marriage.

But one day you didn't feel like doing it and ran off. Instead you won the lottery, bought a luxurios yacht and sailed around the world.

I'm by myself

I'm by myself in a goth styled cemetery where many graves have various kind of statues adorning them. They are actually excellent work of art. But the most interesting is the one in the middle of the graveyard. I don't know if it's a grave or not. It's a large statue of a Grim Reaper placed upon a circular platform surrounded by a tall iron fence which left no way to trespass it. That's why I've brought a ladder with me tonight.
The moment my feet touched the platform I felt earth quaking, temperature dropping dramatically but I also felt like my back is near a furnace. Then I turned around to witness the magnificent statue come to the life, glaring at me like a hungry predator. He lifted his hand and with a swipe of a scythe he ripped down the bond between my body and my soul. Before losing myself into darkness I saw Saina standing there with wide eyes stuffing popcorn into her mouth like crazy. Well, that means she liked the movie.
- Autobiography of the actress KG, famous for her movie Grim Reaper.

Once upon a time there was a haunted hospital.