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Essay about Christmas

 
31-10-2009 16:26Lotteprot is offline Lotteprot  

1 posts
Hello everybody

I am a Belgian student and I have to write an essay about whether or not Christmas has become too commercial. Since English is not my mother language I am not always sure if what I am writing is correct. Can somebody please read this first paragraph and help me with my writing?
We are supposed to pay attention to the combination of clauses (which is my greatest difficulty), spelling, grammar,...

Thank you all, it would be an enormous help!!!

"Every year the same complaint rises : Christmas has become too commercialized.
This family holiday used to be a lovely time spent with family and friends. Of course people would exchange a few gifts but they would put some thought into it and it was more about giving their loved ones something small, something that they thought they would appreciate. Children did not have a choice but to be happy with a sweater and gloves knitted by their grandmother, while now they present their parents with a long list of absolute must-haves.
Christmas has become nothing more than a massive buying experience where stressed out shoppers run up and down the streets, hauling bags stuffed with pre-packaged and impersonal gift sets. Insane amounts of money is spend on “things”, while hardly enough time is spend with our loved ones."





Showing posts 1-11 of 11Page 1 of 1

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31-10-2009 16:37TheAnnoyance is offline TheAnnoyance 


47,924 posts
Seems fine to me..
31-10-2009 16:40Joeyy is offline Joeyy 


11,140 posts
Yeah, it sounds all right. I'd put in more commas, but it's not necessary to understand the work in this case. Howeverr, you need to change "spend" to 'spent' in both cases in the last sentence .
31-10-2009 16:42Joeyy is offline Joeyy 


11,140 posts

* offtopic :
Also, HA, you said you need to pay attention to clauses, and it's an essay about Christmas...Santa Claus! This made me smile.
31-10-2009 16:43TheAnnoyance is offline TheAnnoyance 


47,924 posts

* offtopic :
lol Joey.
04-11-2009 03:49WH1 is offline WH1 

437 posts
Very good,Charlotte,just
"Insane amounts of money is spend on"
should be,Insane amounts of money are spent on.
VERY good job though!
04-11-2009 03:52WH1 is offline WH1 

437 posts
(over three days?)
boy,you LSI regulars really surprise me
04-11-2009 10:34TheAnnoyance is offline TheAnnoyance 


47,924 posts
What the fudge are you on about now..?
04-11-2009 19:15WH1 is offline WH1 

437 posts
bait THIS,right HEEEEEEEEERE!

05-11-2009 03:53JDolla is offline JDolla 


9,906 posts
oh i will bait it...

=========8
05-11-2009 03:54JDolla is offline JDolla 


9,906 posts
*(=========8*
08-11-2009 22:43valdez is offline valdez 


68 posts
Word insane refers to people's state of mind.
So, I think insane is not a good word to use in that certain case.

Better use enormous or huge instead of insane.
Enormous/huge amount of money - sounds much better

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