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Coming out

15-10-2009 16:43

Secret_Sphere

219 posts

So, I know I'm not really here that much anymore. But since I sometimes dabble in here, and Joey often mentions me, I want everyone here to know. I'll do my best to keep it short and open to any questions.

(I'm Jay The Viking/KateKateKate for anyone who does not know)

I am transgender. I identify as a man, not as a woman. This is something I have been thinking about, but not really discussed, for a long time. Eventually I will be going through a complete physical change to male, but right now I don't have access to these resources. It will be at least a year, but more like 3 or 4.

Either way, I am now going by the name Caleb, not Katherine/Kate. In addition, I want everyone to do their best to refer to me using the male pronoun. Any and all support is very important to me. I realize that it will be difficult for people on here who have known me for years so I can forgive slippage on the name or pronouns.

I do want to clarify one thing. I know I identified as a lesbian before, but this is not a case of "extreme lesbianism", and not everyone who is a lesbian wants to be male. Many are very happy with their female bodies and identities. I, however, am not.

As I said, I am open to any questions that people may have for me.

Cheers,

Caleb

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Reactions
15-10-2009 16:52 Bucephalus
3,863 posts	how big will your weiner be?
15-10-2009 16:56 Secret_Sphere
219 posts	I'm looking to sport a 12 incher... In reality, I don't know what treatments/surgeries I am going to undergo. I may not have my actual genitals altered because there is such a high risk of infection and complications.
15-10-2009 16:57 Bucephalus
3,863 posts	If you are to become male, does that mean joey is actually straight? Caleb? really? couldnt think of anything better than caleb?
15-10-2009 17:05 Htd1
23,372 posts	I'm with Curt on that question. Joey is attracted to you because you have tits and a vagina, and I'm sure all of that great personality stuff. but you will no longer have tits and a vagina. so like... how does that work?
15-10-2009 17:11 Bucephalus
3,863 posts	are you getting rid of your tits? how far are you taking this idea? are your parents and friends calling you caleb now?
15-10-2009 17:26 Secret_Sphere
219 posts	My friends are, I'm not out to my family and probably won't be for a while. I definitely want to take male hormones to deepen my voice and masculinize my body. At some point I will have my breasts removed, and i also want a hysterectomy to remove my ovaries and other internal female organs. I like Caleb. I didn't want a religious name, which Caleb is, but it calls out to me and it feels natural. I can't really speak for Joey on this one. We have discussed it for over a year now and she does love me, and we are going to stay together. We can't predict the future; it is possible that she might not be attracted to my male body when I go through these changes. But we do love each other and we are going to do our best to make it work.
15-10-2009 17:37 Bucephalus
3,863 posts	Do you realize how hard it is going to be to find a lifetime partner if joey doesn't like all this stuff? which honestly, i cant see anyone who is a lesbian still loving their girlfriend after they get rid of all the things that make them attracted to them. you are going to have a very small weiner, formed from a clit... think about this wisely
15-10-2009 17:46 Secret_Sphere
219 posts	I have thought about all of this. I know that my romantic prospects will decrease. That being said, I'm really picky. Even if I was still identifying as a lesbian and Joey broke up with me it would be very hard for me to find someone that I can be as serious with as I am with her. There are people out there who date transmen. Some are straight and normally date bio-guys. Some are lesbians, some are bisexual. Some are trans themselves - born male, became female. The penis issue isn't going to be dealt with for a while. Right now, the most important thing is that people acknowledge my male identity. Things like testosterone and chest surgery will help with strangers (so I don't have to explain to everyone, you know?). At this point i don't feel like I need a penis to be male. If the surgeries improve and the complication rates go down, I will consider them. Although my body does not match my gender identity, I don't hate anything about it. I am only changing it so that people will more easily acknowledge my male identity.
15-10-2009 18:39 Juliet86
13,909 posts	Congrats on coming out. Or whatever one says. And love isn't just attraction. Yes, I see the issue, but I believe it can work. There are other things that could change your partner's body, and you wouldn't stop loving them.
15-10-2009 19:31 Captain_Keeta
4,263 posts	yor JayTheViking???!??
15-10-2009 21:09 drdonny
2 posts	I know this isn't the same thing but once I was considering becoming a bi because of some VERY strong gay thoughts about my mate James so yeah, even though I just joined here, I'll support you all the way It's (mainly) about the Personality
16-10-2009 01:40 PunkRckr8
11,632 posts	Chalk up another congrats/good to hear you're finding yourself, Caleb. Although you seem really well versed in your knowledge about the transformation you're trying to achieve, on account of it being National Coming Out Week here and me being a GLBT Ally I have a few "connections" at the university and hospital here that I'm sure could give you more info if you need it.
16-10-2009 03:35 Kristha
370 posts	Please,Stay IN! don't wanna hear it-think I'm gonna
16-10-2009 03:59 Secret_Sphere
219 posts	Thanks Lisa, Brandon, Tim. Tim, if you would be able to get me in contact with some of those people, that would be really great. The resources in Alberta are few and far between, and I feel that the more information I have, the better off I will be and the easier/healthier my transition will be.
16-10-2009 03:59 Joeyy
11,135 posts	* offtopic : Make sure you clean up after yourself.
16-10-2009 04:18 beetroot
12,769 posts	I think it's really brave of you and you should be proud that you had enough courage to come out.
16-10-2009 07:21 Bucephalus
3,863 posts	just remember that u cant think about this choice too much... its a big choice and possibly a dumb one, i really think u should consider keeping your vag and titties... one, because of the medical costs and stuff like that... two, because people still won't think you're a man... and three, because life is unfair and if you could manage to deal with getting your pussy eaten by lesbos your whole life you'd save yourself a lot of money, hassle, energy, etc... but in all seriousness, i always thought james would be the first transgender on this forum
16-10-2009 07:22 LudMan
1,091 posts	No,stop the insanity! TransNOTHING.You "Kate" were created as a woman,so,that's what you'll always be. No matter WHAT you may do to your body, or say. Play dyke,butch,or whatever,YOU ARE AND ALWAYS WILL BE a woman. bunch of liberal nonsense on this site-no one else tells you the truth
16-10-2009 09:56 TheAnnoyance
47,902 posts	Why do i get the feeling this is a joke to see how the forum would react.. but then it's not april 1st yet, so maybe not. And if you're so sure that i'm gay curt, why would i want to be a girl? lol.
16-10-2009 13:05 Juliet86
13,909 posts	It's not a joke, James.
16-10-2009 14:24 drdonny
2 posts	Caleb who were you referring to when you said "Brandon"? I'm asking cause that's my name
16-10-2009 15:37 Dagor
38,003 posts	I am sorry, but you lost me on this one. For me it's all about 'accept who you are' .. and this kind of transformation is the extreme opposite of it. It's all and only about appearance. Having a deeper voice will not turn you into a man. Having your breasts removed will not turn you into a man. Having your ovaries removed will not turn you into a man. You can't even know what it is to be a man, because you aren't one. All you can do is guessing what it could be like to be a man .. and that won't change by taking on the outer appearances of one. I am really sorry for you for having to go through this extreme unbalance between how you feel and what you look like .. I am just not sure if changing your appearance is the right way to find somewhat of a balance. Your body is what you've been given by nature. I am not opposed at all to the idea that ppl do not accept their situation and want to improve it .. that brings you forward .. but I have little understanding about not accepting your appearance. Appearance is a shallow, first contact thing .. even if you want to state with your appearance that you feel more like a man, this statement will only last as long as people look at you. As soon as they get to know you, appearance means nothing anymore .. either you'll live your life as a lie and do not tell them that you're genetically a woman, or you tell them .. if you do, this statement of outer appearance becomes absolutely meaningless.
16-10-2009 17:52 Joeyy
11,135 posts	* offtopic : Being that no one else posting in this thread is called Brandon, and you made a comment which Caleb wanted to thank you for...yeah, he was talking to you . "bunch of liberal nonsense on this site-no one else tells you the truth" Since you are a member of this site as well, your statement also includes yourself. Anyway (I just couldn't ignore the literal interpretation there). I've been torn about whether to reply to the comments here (not the ones relating to me) because, on the one hand, I don't want to speak on behalf of Caleb about everything when he's not around, but, on the other hand, I don't want to appear as if I'm ignoring this. Obviously I talk with Caleb outside of here and we discuss his transition there. But I want to make something clear: This isn't up for debate. It's not something Caleb has put as a question to you all, it's not a discussion about transgendered people and what does or doesn't make someone female or male, and it's not something anyone can talk him out of by pointing out likely problems to him or by saying something like 'You doing this won't make you male, so there's no point...'. It's also not something he woke up and decided one day out of the blue. He's given this a lot of thought over quite a long time, and I doubt anything anyone tells him about difficulties he'll have, or anyone's negative opinion, is nothing he's not thought of himself. We know people are going to have different opinions on this, whether it's that you accept it or that you feel you don't understand, or think it's weird, or even disgusting. All we're asking is for you to use the name Caleb and the male pronoun if you talk to or refer to him. I believe you're all decent enough people to respect this. And, of course, any actual support is very welcome/appreciated. Side note: We know that Ludman and cough "others" like Kristha (missed you, babe ) are, erm...an exception, and wouldn't expect them to listen to anything I said in the above paragraph.
16-10-2009 17:59 Htd1
23,372 posts	my question is still up for discussion. will you be straight now, Joey? since your once woman lover is now going to be a man? then what will make you atttracted to him, other than a wonderful personality. i just don't get it.
16-10-2009 18:31 JuiceBoxJoe
2,782 posts	I wonder who will be the man in the relationship? I kid, I kid More power to you caleb for your choice and deciding to admit this. Im also curious to see if Joey is gonna be straight now