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Forum  /  Poetry  /  tell moi watcha think

tell moi watcha think

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@ 28-10-2003 19:44KJC is offline KJC  
6 posts
you were born with a heart ,
just to love me
you were born with arms,
just to put them around me
you were born with eyes,
just to look at me
you were born with lips,
just to kiss me
and i was born
just to make you happy



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Discussion
0    @ 28-10-2003 19:47KJC is offline KJC 
6 posts
so watcha think? is it ?
0    @ 04-11-2003 03:16Dream27 is offline Dream27 
6,205 posts
I'm gonna give you a little bit of advice on this one.

you were born with a heart ,
just to love me
you were born with arms,
just to put them around me
you were born with eyes,
just to look at me
you were born with lips,
just to kiss me
and i was born
just to make you happy


When you read this there is a lot or repitition. YOu say you were born and just to[i] a lot. Bring in some life in this pice. I like poems that leave outthe word love adn use another word (s) that substitute "love" but means the same thing. Like adore ect. understand. over all it's good. I hope you revise it and make it a little bit longer and when you do post in onthis thread hope to hear from you.
0    @ 05-11-2003 19:35chicken_nugget is offline chicken_nugget 
854 posts
great poeem !!!!!!
0    @ 07-11-2003 02:57KrZeeKLutZ is offline KrZeeKLutZ 
404 posts
b/c it's short,simple and sweet.
0    @ 07-11-2003 16:16kremitzki is offline kremitzki 
14 posts
Sometimes, repetitiveness is necessary. It sounds like excellent material to be a song. Well that's all I know is songs, I can't write poems without music.
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