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built2liv
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built2liv | 07-10-2003 03:43
This is the thread where you can tell everyone the funniest moments of the forum...like when you can't stop laughing out loud at something someone else said. Most likely most of these quotes will come from Dek, Matto, me, noob, or Brandon...but others are more than welcome to post!

Enjoy the laughter.

And to start:

anoobis
posts: 4713 07-10-2003 03:40

o and i love how i've gone without sex for...uh....170 months? 171? i'm not positive...there're a couple fuzzy nites there, but i'm sure they were because of ginger ale...
26 to 50 of 3,188 comments
page 2 of 128
anoobis
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anoobis | 07-10-2003 04:25
lol...this is gonna be good stuff soon...
Dream27
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Dream27 | 07-10-2003 04:27
This one is old and long but i found it lol.


baaigones
posts: 2289 18-05-2003 11:56

Never had cybersex, but found this weblog on another forum, what happens when one of the two is just joking around (funny as hell) :


Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from
dinner...it smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into
your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost.
Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

Sweetheart: logged off
built2liv
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built2liv | 07-10-2003 04:35
Haha that was long but demented!@
anoobis
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anoobis | 07-10-2003 04:39
that was pretty funny...sounds so much like dekar...
Dream27
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Dream27 | 07-10-2003 04:40
it's not dek nobbie it's baaigones
anoobis
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anoobis | 07-10-2003 04:40
nono, wellhung sounds like dekar...
Dream27
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Dream27 | 07-10-2003 04:43
oh! lol that's kinda true.
cheech
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cheech | 07-10-2003 04:44
ha i remember that post

peace
cheech
Dream27
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Dream27 | 07-10-2003 04:47
s more where that came from
anoobis
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anoobis | 07-10-2003 04:48
ah, the beauty of left coast...u get the liberalism, and u get the time diff that lets us make fun of the rest of the world while they're sleeping...mmm.....left coast....
Dream27
0
Dream27 | 07-10-2003 04:52
here is another but them Matt answers at the bottomaand yeah... lol. this was so freking hilarious!

baaigones
posts: 2289 18-05-2003 12:14

and there's more where that came from (the same guy fooling around) :


bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of shit.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

Yeah it was pretty sweet.




This one was good.

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.




This kinda sucked.

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh shit
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh shit
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something




Ew this chick was nasty. Yeeeeaah.

bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
Katie_007: Sure, you into vegetables?
bloodninja: What like gardening an shit?
Katie_007: Yeah, something like that.
bloodninja: Nothing turns me on more, check this out:
bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
Katie_007: is that it?
bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
Katie_007: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... sexily.
bloodninja: I ride your buttocks like they were amber waves of grains.
Katie_007: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
bloodninja: Damn baby you're right, this shit is HOTT.
Katie_007: ...
bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
Katie_007: What the f*ck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
bloodninja: Yeah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
Katie_007: whatever.

Dekar
posts: 13938 18-05-2003 12:14

That was great! Sounds like my first time actually.


It all depends on what you consider cyber sex, really. I mean, in my definition of the term, I've had it once before, but I had to call the fire department to pry me weewee out of the serial port. I'll never do it again.

anoobis
0
anoobis | 07-10-2003 04:57
LOL
built2liv
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built2liv | 07-10-2003 05:10
HOLY Shit, HAHAHAHAHAHHA HAHAHAHAHAHHAA HAHAHAHAHAH That veggie one was a classic.
anoobis
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anoobis | 07-10-2003 05:11
SEAN! lol dream's taking over ur thread
built2liv
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built2liv | 07-10-2003 05:14
No No, it's ok, this thread is for everyone, as the first post may suggest.
anoobis
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anoobis | 07-10-2003 05:14
yes, and she is adding well after all...lol, i'm almost positive that guy is dekar...
Dream27
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Dream27 | 07-10-2003 07:26
lol, i'm not taking over anything...just the 2nd page lol.. The Rhino one made me laugh like there was no freakin tomorrow! lol.
El_Mono_Loco
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El_Mono_Loco | 07-10-2003 07:49
egg
posts: 840 22-02-2003 00:26

NO IT WASN'T!
*Throws eggs at matt and sean*
built2liv
posts: 4900 22-02-2003 00:27

* Deflects eggs eggs with his superhomoerotic beams of ass cream*
El_Mono_Loco
posts: 12157 22-02-2003 00:28

*Rubs egg is egg's face*
egg
posts: 840 22-02-2003 00:29

ducks the ass cream and egg and unleashes her band of a gazillion goblins
El_Mono_Loco
posts: 12157 22-02-2003 00:30

Ha ha, goblin's tickle when they bite my ass
built2liv
posts: 4900 22-02-2003 00:31

goblins...are they supposed to be scary?

*unleashes his belt buckle and whips the shit outta egg*
egg
posts: 840 22-02-2003 00:31

*forms a super strong protective shell to deflect the whipping*
built2liv
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built2liv | 07-10-2003 07:52
OMG, Katie my ass goblin...hahahahahahahahha

Lovely Matto, lovely!
El_Mono_Loco
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El_Mono_Loco | 07-10-2003 07:52
*bows*
built2liv
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built2liv | 07-10-2003 07:57
And just for you Matto:

El_Mono_Loco
posts: 12160 22-02-2003 00:34

*Boils egg and opens Pandora's box*

Whoa, that can be taken very sexually.


I can laugh at that one..muahahah!
El_Mono_Loco
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El_Mono_Loco | 07-10-2003 07:58
hahahahaha, thanks Sean!
XxX
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XxX | 08-10-2003 02:31
Bringing it to active...
anoobis
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anoobis | 08-10-2003 02:34
mmmmmm...
Jez
0
Jez | 08-10-2003 10:48
Oh.... this is a brilliant and funny thread. Ingenious... I'll have to look back into the archives to fins some more hysterical posts.
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