Poetry | Its been a while...

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Its been a while...

19-03-2007 13:06

LPE

5,374 posts

There you are
And there you go
Did you love me?
I'll never know.

All those times
All those fights.
All the noons
And all the nights.

The way you speak
And sip your tea
All these little things
That annoy me.

So leave me here
I'll not cry.
I'll not scream.
I'll not die.

Go on and find
Your true love.
I've given up.
I've had enough.

I used to write poetry on a regular basis. This is my first poem in over a year and a half. any thoughts?

Showing posts 1-5 of 5

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Reactions
19-03-2007 13:57 Pandora
23,369 posts	There you are And there you go Did you love me? I'll never know. All those times All those fights. All the noons And all the nights. ^^ that part was fine to me. The way you speak And sip your tea All these little things That annoy me. the 'all these little things' throws the whole poem off I think... I can't quite figure out if it's just because it completely disrupts the rhyme scheme or it's just because suddenly you are jumping to these 'little' things when you are being left? that's normally aren't what you think about in a time like this, it's always the little things that you miss or love, but the little things are never the makings of a break up.. just in my head.. haha it kind of gives you that 'whaaa' feeling. So leave me here I'll not cry. I'll not scream. I'll not die. Go on and find Your true love. I've given up. I've had enough. the I'll's are too short... of course you aren't going to die... that's a bit dramatic =P... and the last line seems to be fine as well. over all its simple, and that's got its own merit... but it could use some work. rockon tabitha
22-03-2007 12:15 LPE
5,374 posts	granted it needs work. and it wasnt supposed to be some big complicated work of art. what i wrote meant something to me. And all the little things would be the things that I would think about if he left me, because they are the things I hate about him. Hence why they annoy me.
22-03-2007 12:18 Pandora
23,369 posts	no need to be defensive... you asked for thoughts.. and I gave them. Poetry isn't really meant to be critqued I don't think.. because it comes from a place inside of you .. rather that from a grammatical point of view. rockon tabitha
22-03-2007 12:30 Charand
118 posts	it's true about the i'll part, wouldn't it be better if you'd say i won't or i will not
10-07-2007 06:32 Itzi
33 posts	yeah about the "I'll" part nah but i just read it "i will" i really like it!!!!!!!! its awsome!! thats kinda how i feel rite now..

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Forum / Poetry / Its been a while...

Its been a while...