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Why everyone in World War2 sucked (except Britain)

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Roxy_Ryan
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Roxy_Ryan | 13-06-2006 21:59
I wasn't sure of which category to post this in, was kinda thinking along the lines of Politics but seeing as how this is more humorous then here it shall be stuck.

Basically, a friend of mine posted her view of WWII in her LJ, and I found it quite humorous... of course, everyone might not think along the same lines or even agree... but I don't really care.

In WWII, every country sucked except Britain. Honestly. They all sucked/were wusses/needed a kick in the pants. If you don't agree, I'll share with you my view of WWII, not necessarily in chronological order, with an abrupt start and finish. I call it:

WHY EVERYONE IN WWII SUCKED (EXCEPT BRITAIN)

ACT I
Germany: >>
Germany:
Germany: ::invades Poland::
Britain & France: Germany! We told you to stay out of there.
Germany: ...I changed my mind.
Britain & France: WE MADE AN AGREEMENT. IN MUNICH. WHAT ABOUT THE MUNICH AGREEMENT?
Germany: Yeah, about that. I had my fingers crossed.
Britain & France: F*** YOU.
War: Declar'd!

ACT II
Canada: Let's wait a week, and THEN declare war on Germany. That way we can assert our independence, and Britain will be proud of us. ::excited::
America: Yeah, you guys go ahead. We'll declare war ... next year. Yeah. We don't feel like it this year.
Canada: Don't want to get your feet wet, eh? Wuss.
America: Momma's boy.
Canada: WE ARE AN INDEPENDENT NATION.
Britain: F*** you guys. We're going to war.
Canada: WAIT. NO. DON'T LEAVE WITHOUT US.
America: Good luck. We'll see you ... next year.

ACT III
Germany: HERE WE COME, FRANCE. WE'RE TAKING OVER YOUR SMELLY COUNTRY.
France: OKAY. OKAY. WE'RE LEAVING. NO NEED TO GET VIOLENT.
Britain: France, WHY did I enter the war with you?
Canada: Look, Britain! Look! WE'RE not surrendering!
Britain: Yeah, Canada, that's ... that's great.
Canada: Hear that? Britain thinks we're great!
Britain: Don't you have a constitution to patriate already?
America: YOU GUYS ARE DOING A GREAT JOB. WE'RE WATCHING, AND IT LOOKS GREAT. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.
Allies: F*** YOU AMERICA.
France: YEAH. WUSSES.
Britain: SHUT UP, FRANCE.

ACT IV
Germany: HERE WE COME, BRITAIN. SURRENDER YOUR SOGGY LITTLE ISLAND.
Britain: NO.
Germany: Was?
Britain: EAT AIRFORCE, BITCHES.
The Blitz: BANG BANG FLASHING LIGHTS AND EXPLOSIONS
America & France: YOU'RE DOING GREAT, BRITAIN.
Canada: And Canada! We're in the RAF too.
Russia: GERMANY, WHY ARE YOU STARTING TO LOSE.
Germany: BECAUSE ... >> YOUR MOM.
Russia: WHAT IS THAT EVEN SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
Germany: It means you suck and I want your stupid country. ::invades::
Russia: WHAT THE HELL, GERMANY. WHAT THE HELL.
Britain: Hahaha. Look who came crawling back to the Triple Entente.
Russia: I HATE YOU ALL.

ACT V
America: Okay - next year. We'll join the war next year, guys. Seriously, this time. We're just not ... feeling it right now.
Pearl Harbour: KABANG
America: ...
American Government: YES. AN EXCUSE. ::declares war::
America: ...Damn.
Americans: ENLIST'D!

ACT VI
D-Day: ::ensues::
Canada: WE'RE WINNING. WE'RE BEATING THE GERMANS. LOOK, BRITAIN. WATCH US KILL THESE NAZIS.
Britain: I'm a little busy right now, Canada.
Canada: WATCH US. YOU'RE NOT WATCHING. YOU'RE NOT WATCHING US.
Britain: Okay. Yeah, I saw. That was a great explosion, Canada. I saw it, and it was really good. YES, I'M SURE I WAS WATCHING.
Germany: WE'RE LOSING! HOW CAN THIS BE? GERMANY NEVER LOSES.
France: You lost in WWI.
Germany: SHUT UP.
France: Okay! ::sob::
Germany: ::'splodes::
Allies: HUZZAH.

ACT VII
Japan: C'MON, GUYS. LET'S KILL THOSE AMERICAN WUSSES.
America: SURRENDER OR RISK BEING TOTALLY DESTROYED.
Japan: HAHAHA! Yeah, we're pissing our pants now, America. DON'T TOTALLY DESTROY US. NOT THAT.
Hiroshima: KABANG
Japan: ...Raise your hand if you thought America was bluffing.
Nagasaki: KABANG
Japan: ::totally destroy'd!:: Okay! F***! Calm down. We surrender.
America: HUZZAH.

ACT IIX?
Russia & America: WE'RE SUPER POWERS!
Britain: ...How the hell did THAT happen?
Russia: >>
Russia:
Russia: ::sidles over to Cuba::
America: OH, F*** YOU, RUSSIA.

THE END.
26 to 37 of 37 comments
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sexysugar15
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sexysugar15 | 11-03-2007 19:17
umm..now tht i re-read tht..Britian ALSO sucked. =)
nanki_c
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nanki_c | 11-03-2007 19:20
ahaha i loved it. I should show it to my history teacher..though the profanity may scare her.
JuiceBoxJoe
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JuiceBoxJoe | 16-06-2009 00:41
Looking through bookmarks I made like 3 years ago, I truly feel this is worth a bump
Joeyy
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Joeyy | 16-06-2009 00:59
I just learnt about the war . This is awesome. Act III made me laugh out loud.
Deehaz
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Deehaz | 16-06-2009 01:58
oh, blates.
TheAnnoyance
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TheAnnoyance | 16-06-2009 09:22
haha, definitely worth the bump. thats freakin' funny.

to me it sounds like kinda sketch family guy would do lol.
nanki_c
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nanki_c | 16-06-2009 11:01
I was just about to say: "I can't believe I've never read this, it's hilarious." And then I saw my post above. =S.

But yeah, hahah, loved it.
juicy1
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juicy1 | 11-01-2014 02:21
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd bump because it's awesome.
Joeyy
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Joeyy | 11-01-2014 02:28
Act III is still my favourite.
juicy1
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juicy1 | 11-01-2014 02:33
Haha Act III is pretty great, Act VI is my fav.
zjenn4
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zjenn4 | 11-01-2014 03:29
I've always loved this thread. I'm a nerd and bookmarked it.
Captain_Keeta
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Captain_Keeta | 11-01-2014 03:54
Oh dear lord.
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