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How Are You Doing? Jr.

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@ 30-01-2006 16:20 vandy
9,527 posts	I'm not exactly sure why this thread is different, why y'all let me be the one to make a second thread, but I do appreciate it . This thread is my baby, the first How Are You Doing marks the first thread of mine that made it long enough to be closed . Anyway, you know how it goes. Post in here if you're happy, sad, angry, mediocre...just...how are you doing? The first thread was made over 2 years ago when I was friends with a guy named Ben. It saw me through that whole friendship. It saw me through my move to college, making tons of new friends and having a great time, I've probably got at least one drunk post in there, it saw me through a bad relationship and an eating disorder, and the glory I shined in as I left both behind. I will stop babbling and now dedicate the second chapter to Matt, Celeste, and Carole who've seen me through it all, since the beginning of that thread and before, and continue to be my friends now.

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Discussion
0 @ 05-02-2006 22:55 alexalexalex
2,064 posts	Steffi gets a shout out outside the above post because she is so awesome and the best sister in the world. I love her to bits. She played a big part of my day today having listening to exams probelms today and even put a hold on the money she's getting to help me out
0 @ 06-02-2006 17:57 alexalexalex
2,064 posts	Themoney for my exams didn't turn up. Unless it comes tomorrow I have to pay late entry. It doesn't matter, it probably will come tomorrow I hope. Only thing worrying me now is why is my dad fixing up some job he hasn't told us about in Oman?!?! He even planned a trip to Muskat that didn't happen... how can he think of leaving a country and not tell us? Especially since my mum is yelling at him twice a day on the phone? ERZHGhgvhgcbh ggh what is the world coming to??
0 @ 06-02-2006 19:28 _AngelOfDeath_
5,872 posts	Stressed out. Extremely stressed out. After reviewing my coursework yesterday i have began to re-write it. However, so far it's very short and im scared that it's not going to meet the word count. And im freaking out trying to figure out what else i can do to get my word count over 1500 and i dont know. Oh yeah, and the deadline (teacher deadline) is tomorrow. explodes into millions of pieces
0 @ 06-02-2006 20:47 Pandora
22,886 posts	over explain the explanations? I seriously always had a problem with going over the max word count.. and I have no idea how I can bs that much. picks up all the pieces and melts them back together being in a million pieces won't get your words to multiply =P rockon tabitha
0 @ 06-02-2006 20:51 _AngelOfDeath_
5,872 posts	Me too, normally it takes a LOT to shut me up Thanks for gluing me back together though i hope it's extra strong though 'cause im ready to burst again lol.
0 @ 06-02-2006 20:55 Chobbits
6,665 posts	1. My schoolmates. Vast majority of them annoys the hell out of me. What the fcuk was I thinking when I decided on this school?! Why didnt I go to the one all my friends chose?! No, I had to be better. I had to go to this fecking brainwashing factory. I mean, ok, school's not that bad, but people there are so weird. All they really talk about is schoolwork... $^#@@!@^ 2. My lack of ambition/motivation/aims. Pretty self explanatory. Im just damn "17 without a purpose or direction". I cant be arsed to care. 3. I turned down 3rd guy this year. I have too high standarts really, no one's good enough. Or maybe, Im not good enough? 4. Mum's gone insane these days. No matter what I do or say, it's wrong. And it causes massive fight. Fight on her behalf, because I usually say nothing. Im really sorry for breathing mum, but I didnt ask to be born. 5. I cry all the time recently. Droping something can be a reason for me to sob. Bad bad bad. And the good things are: ? Weed. Yay, keeps me alive.
0 @ 07-02-2006 14:27 roquegaL
1,629 posts	i so feel what you are feeling chobbits.. 1.i am stuck in this f class for 3 hours now and it looks like he can go on and on while we are starving to death here..well i am! and i am sleepy too 2.most of my close friends are graduating soon and im stuck with another 1.5 years but it is not as bad as it seems since im taking pictures with friends in class..LOL 3.exams are coming and more than half the class (other than my peeps) are seriously studying and extremely cautious about their grades...even how good their results are, they always whine! irritates me as hell..i bet i am going to do 3 times worst and end up smiling untill one of them open up their mouth and start whinning......
0 @ 08-02-2006 11:04 _AngelOfDeath_
5,872 posts	HAH YES YES YES YES YES happy dances violently Ive finished the stupid mofo! hahahah. aaaaaaaand it's almost 1900 words that's like 400 above the minimum requirement and 100 below the maximum so WOOOO. disco dances too oh god what a RELIEF. aaaaand it's good. I think. I just soooo hope it meets the criteria and all that jazz: that's my only concern... that i've not met the requirements properly BUT NEVER MIND 'CAUSE IM FREEEEEEEE. FREE AS THE WIND BLOWS. AND AS THE GRASS GROWS. BORN FREEEEEEEEE. Yeah im chuffed. And im really making the most of this very brief moment of happiness 'cause i have another 4/5 more pieces in need of completion... =\ BUT NEVER MIND THAT NOW. has a little party And thanks again to tab for melting me, 'cause i was all freaked out the other day and nobody reassured me even a little bit... so she can come to my little weird party in my little weird head. boogies outta the thread * offtopic : that was one stupid post. ill top it off with this :
0 @ 08-02-2006 11:25 Ellypoo
97 posts	currently im in open access, on the puters, being bored, have no lessons till this afternoon and my boyfriend is in IT! So im just surfing the net....
0 @ 08-02-2006 11:48 Schatzi
21,247 posts	I feel ill so I want to whine but there's nobody to whine to because nobody is awake. Nobody in my house & nobody online =( Boo. pouts
0 @ 08-02-2006 14:54 Plantagenet
12,864 posts	I had the greatest day yesterday, celabrating my Cariad's birthday with ppl from uni. He's finally getting a bit back to normal and being my buddy again without tension from his side. I think he relises how much we mean to eachother now, and I'm so glad for that
0 @ 08-02-2006 15:03 LeLox
1,136 posts	I'm in sort of like this transition area.I don't know how I should feel now, I think I should just wait.I hope everything turns out great at the end.I just gotta keep myself together, I'm not gonna panic.
0 @ 08-02-2006 15:52 Jaff
1,582 posts	3.30pm. Everyone should be coming outta school right about now. Give it half an hour and hopefully some of them will be online. I didnt go to school today. I didnt feel very well at all. Infact, I think i've got worse since this morning. I've felt ill all week, but I went to school on Monday cus I wasnt so bad then, and I went yesterday cus I had a Maths test first thing, and if I hadnt gone I wouldve ended up doing it on my own when I do go in, which is bad cus that way I cant sit with my friend and she cant help me and then i'll fail the test. I know, cheating. Blah blah blahhh. Except I have another maths test tomorrow. I might have to force myself to go to school and do it, or i'll fail that one. Even though I feel really not well. My mum even said last night that I'm faking being ill. That was nice of her... She said later she didnt mean it and she knows im not faking, but still, she said I was in the first place, which was actually quite insulting, considering I hardly EVER have a day off school. I havent had a day off for months and months, I dont think i've had one since this time last year, actually, so for her to turn round and say that i'm faking it made me a bit angry. She also said she wasnt gonna give me any sympathy cus I was still on the computer at 10 o'clock last night and she said if I wanted to get better I should have been in bed earlier. I told her I wanted to go to bed, but I had to copy my friend's CD onto my computer, which is the truth, cus I was gonna give her the CD back at school today. But of course I havent been. Meh. I want my friends to come online and see how many noticed I wasnt there today. Meh, they only reason they will have noticed is cus they wont have had anyone to sit with in lessons. I dont think they'll ask if im okay, just if im going in tomorrow, so they can make alternative seating plans if im not. Mehhh. Had a slight falling out with he-who-shall-not-be-named yesterday night. Meh. He asked what my problem was and said I was being a bit*h, which I wasnt. Well, even if I was, it was cus it was getting late and I felt like crap. I shouldve spent some time explaining to him I suppose, but I just said "me and my non-existant problem are going to bed. Night". Meh, I may apologise to him and tell him I wasnt feeling well. Depends what he says to me when he comes online. To be honest he's like that with me a lot, but I dont get in a mood with him like he does with me. I suppose if im honest its cus I dont wanna loose him. I suppose I'm afraid to talk to him like that incase I loose him, cus then i'd be really alone, and I dont wanna be alone. Although it is obvious that he feels he can talk any way he wants to, to me. This is probably cus he knows I dont wanna loose him, and I'll go running back no matter what he says. Man I hate myself for always running back to him. He can treat me like crap and then say one nice thing and im back under his spell.
0 @ 08-02-2006 16:27 poisonbrain
512 posts	I skipped school today, because I overslept and missed one of the two lessons I was having. I've got about 40 km to school, so I was no in the mood to go over just because of one lesson. Still had to go, though, when I realized it was the last day before my applications for next year are supposed to be in. Damn if I don't get the photography course now.
0 @ 09-02-2006 02:12 Masterful_Ally
15,627 posts	I wish someone loved me
0 @ 09-02-2006 02:17 Htd1
20,887 posts
0 @ 09-02-2006 02:25 DeathByMonkeys
24,877 posts	I wish my soccer team could win a damn game. I did really good tonight though, I saved like 10 goals and only missed 2. Varsity lost by 9. is happy I want a person to love me too. Well, no. I don't want a person. I want REMY to love me. But he doesn't, that FUCKER.
0 @ 09-02-2006 02:25 Pandora
22,886 posts	aww, Ally.. that seriously almost made me cry. I'm kind of having a weird moment.. like.. I duno.. I'm doing really really good.. and everyone around me is doing so bad.. the people that just.. always seemed so happy... aren't. Maybe it's just because I'm doing so well and not focused so much on my own problems and things going on that I'm finally clear sighted as to the happenings with everyone else. And it hurts... I would trade all of my happiness to just give them all peace and comfort.. every last drop.. People call me so selfish.. and so worthless.. like I don't care about anyone but myself.. but those people don't know a bit about me.. I'm a 'miss know it all' but all I do is talk about the things that I have been through.. or watched others go through.. and learned... I'm not afraid to learn from mistakes... =\ One of my ex boyfriends is drowning in his own stage show.. it's all just crumbling around him.. he wants someone.. he wants to be loved.. to be appreciated ... and he keeps finding girl after girl for a bit of satisfaction.. he says he wants a friend.. but he just wants another warm body in the bed for the night... and it drives me mad because I have been there for him for months.. been a friend... after everything he has done to me in my life to just tear me apart.. I have tried to put his pieces back together... because I want him to be okay.. I need him to be okay.. because my worse fear is to watch those around me that I care for fall apart.. it hurts.. more than any heartache.. more than any cut or bruise.. to sit and watch someone you care for just drown in their own doubt.. drown in their own fears... drown in their hate.. anger... it's worse than watching someone die... because they just become an empty shell.. I just want to be able to fix things.. but I can't.. and it's so frustrating.. the things I could do to help people won't listen to.. they don't care to change... once you get so far down it's just easier to fall then crawl the peace back up.. People don't see the beauty in life.. the happiness in what little they have.. they always want more.. of this or that.. or him or her... that selfishness is what keeps them unhappy.. my away message as it has been all day : If I could make you see what I see... you would never find wisdom through your experience.. so even though it hurts to let you fall... I know it's the only way you will ever learn how to get back up again rockon tabitha
0 @ 09-02-2006 02:51 Masterful_Ally
15,627 posts	"he wants someone.. he wants to be loved.. to be appreciated ... and he keeps finding girl after girl for a bit of satisfaction.. he says he wants a friend.. but he just wants another warm body in the bed for the night..." I think I am abnormal..I'm not made to be by myself...I need people around me all the time, need reassurance. I'm stoned right now but I'm not gonna write these thoughts off, it's bad but sometimes drugs make me see more clearly. I'm not made to be alone. I can't spend time by myself without ending up back on Zoloft. I'm so shit. My brain is **ed up...and guys think like..I dunno. I don't think I'm that hot or anything, but guys don't think I want anything with them. They seem suprised id they actually like me. All I want is someone who thinks I'm special, not pretty or sexy or a good ** but something more than that shit.
0 @ 09-02-2006 03:00 Pandora
22,886 posts	maybe you have to be happy by yourself before someone else can be happy with you? I duno it seems like you have this internal struggle that you are going to have to seriously get over before you will be happy in general. I kind of got like taht after a while.. like .. I duno I was dependent on conversation? Something would happen a nd I would have to tell someone about it.. I would have to have a response.. when I would fight with my mates it would kill me to just sit there with all of those thoughts in my head and no one to spout off to. But then... I found peace in my solitude.. I started just writing down simple thoughts... enjoying fully moments in their beauty and luster.. instead of having to tell someone else.. and enjoying the memory of the moment... does that make sense? Being around people.. being loved.. being 'accepted' is a drug more highly addictive than anything else.. feeling 'needed' and 'wanted'.... and when it's not around the withdrawls will drive you mad.. but once you learn to accept your aloofness.. at a distance but not completely alone... if you just say I'm all alone you focus on the need for people to be there.. but being aloof more ... people being there you just not being apart of those people... then life just seems to find it's way back to being peaceful.. Because there are people all around you.. and many times .. you just don't see them because you are so focused on being alone... =\ We aren't the closest... but.. I hope it all works out for you.. because I care.. heh if nothing me leaving work late to write this should show for something =) rockon tabitha
0 @ 09-02-2006 03:08 tinkerbellrocks
1,131 posts	icky, sad, hyper, silent, lovesick, dirty, sleepy, nerdy, ect.
0 @ 09-02-2006 03:09 Masterful_Ally
15,627 posts	The thing is I have always been this way...on this site, I've always felt like, different, like I cant be some cyber geek, like I can't have the problems everyone else does because I have a social life, I have friends and I go out and I do all the normal stuff that young people do, I have sex I take drugs I party, I do whatever, I'm part of a crowd... its rude and it's wrong but it's a feeling... But there inevitably come moments when I have to spend time alone, and that is when I realise I am not the same as everyone else. If I spend more than one or two evenings alone I become seriousley depressed and that isnt right. I have been diagnosed with atypical depression long ago and been on and off drugs but it torments me that other people dont feel this way yet I will maybe forever. It hurts that other people fall naturally in to relationships and into trustinf others, and I have to work so hard at it. It's like I'm two people, on one hand I'm so shallow, I'm so obsessed with appearance, image, 'cool', getting with sexy guys, blah blah blah, I bore myslef. I don't know which is worse, my sane side or my crazy one. I'm messed. Anyway, thankyou for the reply Tabby, and if anyone actually read this crap I am very sorry to have bored you.
0 @ 09-02-2006 03:20 DeathByMonkeys
24,877 posts	Awww, Ally, it's not crap. Feeling that way isn't crap at all. I just got the best email EVER from my friend Michael....I was being kind of depressed about being such a large person, and he wrote this back: virtual bitchslap Don't you ever call yourself fat ever again. You're 5'8" and 210 pounds. SO WHAT? I would never have known if you hadn't told me, because I honestly would have guessed 180. You're gorgeous, but not in a conventional way. Yeah, the stick-thin girls are pretty (emphasis on the GIRLS part), but you are more of a sexy woman sort of shape. If I had to choose between the two, I wouldn't want to cuddle with a tiny girl who's like a third my size (Note: he's pretty well-built himself, 6'4" and 230 pounds) because I'm afraid I'd break her. But I can totally wrestle and tease and pal around with you because you're more in proportion to me, and I know you're too strong to be crushed. Part of the 'you-not-having-a-boyfriend' problem is that you're just not built (mentally or physically) for the tiny little guys around this school. You're woman-size, not girl-size, and somewhere out there is a big guy who's afraid of tiny fragile chicks and is looking for someone to cuddle with who can handle him. is put in her place
0 @ 09-02-2006 03:28 JustxMe
7,846 posts	Man, I had a good 10 hours of sleep. I really needed that. It's all because of this stupid university I have to wake up early everyday...and yeah, since when do I sleep all early just to be all fresh in the morning? Once every month, if not two. So it was all good, except for the part that I've got lots to study for next week. Blagh. I want to know. Why wouldn't he just leave me alone? How could he say he ain't gonna let me go easily when he's doing nothing to show that's his intention? It's a lie yeah...But he didn't have to say that. Maybe it was a whole good planned lie from the start. Damn he's good. But it's too late. I made up my mind and I am not going even one step backwards. He doesn't deserve it...But then I keep on remembering how he has what I've always wanted to feel. But on the other hand, it just sound all contradicting. Agh. This sucks, and so does he.
0 @ 09-02-2006 04:37 vandy
9,527 posts	Ally, my favorite side of you is your beautiful side. Which is not only your crazy and sane sides, but your inside and outside as well. It doesn't matter that you're depressed or that something is "wrong" with you. That doesn't make you any less beautiful. Let me tell you a little story. I am in a faith sharing group with 10 other (11 of us counting me!) beautiful, brilliant college students, who seem very "normal" and well functioning on the outside. 10/11 of us have mental issues...literally. The one that doesn't is a molestation survivor and a cancer survivor. Let me run down the list of others. 1. compulsive overeating 2. anorexia 3. ED-NOS 4. Depression 5. Depression 6. Severe depression 7. Depression (alongside Fibromialgia which isn't a mental disorder, but still.) 8. OCD 9. OCD 10. self-injury And these are just the ones I know about! I think it's more normal to have "issues" than it is to not. Which sucks, but you aren't some freak.