Poetry | my .. uh.. poem i guess youd call it?

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my .. uh.. poem i guess youd call it?

09-08-2005 08:55

GuitarForLife

55 posts

yes.. well.. just dont laugh at me .. its not a very good one ... i only write every once and a while and .. well .. you get the idea

(i dont name my poems)

All is lost, left with none to gain,
Or is it just me, am i insane?
The battle is fought, and will never end,
The world is broken, who will mend?
We fight ourselves, inside
With all these feelings, you try to hide,
How can you go on and deal,
When death and corruption, are just so real,
stop your oh-so-busy life and think,
Our earth is like a boat, and it's ready to sink,
we are all so worried about today,
when tomorrow is so soon, and yet we delay,
what about our future, what about whats ahead?
no, your too busy with yourself instead,
you kill our resources, our people you opress,
our goverments corrupt, but i digress
How can you just sit and watch the world pass by,
Haven't you even just once, even wondered why?
All so self-centered, so self absorbed
Your life, so deformed
So controlled, so conformed
You're just a pawn, in a much larger game,
But then again, who's really to blame?
Materialistic, you want more, more, more,
Now it's money you adore,
Self assure?
Death and destruction, knocking on your door?
What happened to the days,
when there was praise?
The Lust,
The Trust,
The Love,
Not Hate,
You Create your fate,
The Will to fight,
For what was really right?
The sentimental values, we've lost sight.
And in this boat, we sink fast
Think to the future, not of the past
Now Do you think, that we can last?
Love to hate,
And hate to love,
but no matter what
just go with your gut
do what you want,
and be who you are,
The cut heals, but the memory's the scar
Push to the limits,
and just be,
Totally,
happy,
and Free

yes... well.. that was my poem i suppose

Showing posts 1-10 of 10

Page 1 of 1

Reactions
09-08-2005 09:01 kromisade
96 posts	well. teenagers are allowed to angst and well. the poem has a point.
09-08-2005 09:15 DNA_Maniac
4,823 posts	beware! i m evil! i didnt like the poem ( its really rare that i love a poem i guess.. its hard to love! ) but the poem got a real good point.. and the way u say them out; is awesum! keep writing... DRUNKS 'N' ALCOHOL
09-08-2005 12:00 nuclear
149 posts	not bad...tell me...r u more emo or nu metal? (both music for angry teens)
09-08-2005 12:04 FireWaterBurn
28,885 posts	Really bad.
09-08-2005 13:46 kians_angel
6,064 posts	wow, so much emotion! well done! i wish i could write stuff like that but im not very artistic like that
09-08-2005 14:06 FoNT
1,940 posts	yeah, im not a big fan of this poem. id suggest trying to mix up the pattern of it - i dont know about everyone else, but for me a poem of: A A B B C C ...etc, gets excrutiatingly boring after about the first stanza. (don't bring up the fact that your poem isnt in stanzas ) other than that, id suggest using more imagery, and giving the poem less of a "f@#k you" feel and more of a "woe is me" feel. i dunno. im very picky when it comes to art and writing, especially if its written by teenagers.
09-08-2005 15:01 Nacilme
472 posts	It has a good message.
26-08-2005 16:02 aceto
768 posts	i agree with FoNT, in that reading AABBCC poems do get boring, but its easiest to write them like that.. i occasionally write ABABCDCD poems.. but i fid it aLOT harder.. i duno, just my opinon. good poem though
27-08-2005 04:12 AmyNEO
1 posts	Its good
06-09-2005 22:31 HaPpYhIpPoLaNd
123 posts	very good i liked it

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Forum / Poetry / my .. uh.. poem i guess youd call it?

my .. uh.. poem i guess youd call it?